Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Hey guys,

Well I’m not sure about you but I am officially excited that summer is here! The girls instantly seem to get more attractive and people are generally more up for a party.

It also means the rise of something else…bar game! This post will be considerably shorter than my post on club game as most of the skills are the same, and tends to feel less intimidating. Without further delay then…

The Environment.

While the venue itself isn’t as hostile (no loud music, unfriendly door staff, overcrowded dance floor etc.) more social intelligence is required. In a nightclub it is easy to get away with more extrovert behaviour, but in bar it might be wiser to save that part for when you are actually speaking to them.

This is depending on the type of bar you go to of course. Over here in the UK sometimes our bar’s turn into mini clubs later in the night, at which point refer back to my previous post, but for all others this hold’s true.

The Girls.

A girl goes to a bar for a different reason than to go to a club. She goes to the club to have a night out with her friends, get some male attention and mainly forget about normal life for the night.

In a bar she is there to have a laugh and catch up with her friends. When guys say they have difficulty with bitch shields in bars. They tend to not take this fact on board and stand there trying to hit on the girl when she doesn’t particularly want to be. This is the art of bar game. Being able to pick up the girl who doesn’t want to be.

So there are two ways to open:

1)   Use a false time constraint (I can only stay a minute but I wanted to ask/say…) or pre-opener, and re-open later.

2)   Go direct.

I personally always recommend going direct for the sets you are actually interested in. The reason is simple: she knows that you are hitting on her either way. Even if you are asking her the time, why are you asking her and not the guy next to her with a watch on? Going direct owns up to this fact straight away, but you can do it in two ways.

One is to go up to her, friends be damned, and to say it loud. The other is my personal favourite. To force an IOI, smile once more and then to open her once she steps outside for a cigarette/goes to the bar/on her way back from the bathroom. Any of these methods work well so play around with them to find what works best for you.

Running the game.

Once you have opened and are in the set here is your chance to show you ‘get it’. Remember that they are there with their friends. It is important to build group comfort, which is comfort with the group as a whole. I have seen too many students who open well and then only speak to their target the minute they are in set and then get blown out.

Keep the whole group engaged, simply by making sure you give each of them attention, bring them back into the conversation with light kino or eye contact, make sure they all feel involved. Once they are asking you questions in turn it is time to break rapport with your target.

The group should them be comfortable enough with you, as long as you don’t keep ignoring them to let you hit on their friend. Aim for a contact close quickly, stay in conversation for a few more minutes and then leave. You can now go back and set up a date the next day, but if you want to extract, give them a bit of time to carry on the conversation they were having and then rejoin them, ideally with a friend or two.

After that the game run’s itself with a competent wingman. Make sure they are building group comfort as well; otherwise you look bad for bringing them over. The idea of going for an after party or drinks is the ideal method of extraction. To see if this is possible ask a logistical question like  ‘what are you guys doing once this place shuts?’ Be warned do not suggest them coming back then, instead revisit it later. A question like that let’s you know if the set is ‘on’ to go back or not and calibrate your game accordingly.

Summing up.

Bar game is where you go to have good conversations, if those skills aren’t up to scratch, spend a bit of time working on them first. Once you are competent though it is a very rewarding experience. Just bear in mind that if you see two girls and they are in an intense discussion with a scowl on their face it isn’t the best time to open!

The basic pattern is to:

1)   Open briefly, so as to not interrupt the conversation, and then return later.

2)   Build a lot of group comfort and break rapport with your target.

3)   Close, or leave and return later with some friends.

4)   Work for extraction, or close and leave the group.

Comments are always welcome and email me if you have any questions: karl@puatraining.com.

Have fun out there guys, the next in the nightgame series will be…street game!

Karl

Even if you don’t know the slang, a flake is something all of us have experienced. It’s when a girl sends a last minute ‘my bus was late and now I can’t make it’ message, goes AWOL in the days running up to that amazing date you’ve planned, or is a total no show, leaving you hanging at the bar.

The immediate reaction to a flake is usually a jolt of rage, resentment and then disappointment: followed swiftly by an angry voicemail that burns your bridges with the girl forever. Understandable, but maybe not the best way of dealing with the situation, particularly considering that a flake isn’t a straight out ‘no’ it’s just a ‘not yet’: a sign that more desire, or comfort, has to be created before they’re willing to put themselves out for you.

So before you smash your phone against the wall, just think about this for a second.  First of all recognise the reasons why they may have flaked, and then figure out how you can get them to commit to a reschedule.

You’re not their number one

Think of all the different people in your life: friends, colleagues, families, girls you’re hooking up with. If you meet someone new (unless they really blow your socks off) they’re not going to be your top priority: in fact it would be weird if they were.

When girls flake what’s likely to happen is someone higher up on their priority list has got in touch, or they’re so tired from fulfilling their other priorities, that they can’t be bothered to meet up with you: the guy that quickly grabbed their number at the bar.

Sounds bad, but it’s just the nature of the beast that thanks to texts and emails, arrangements are much easier to cancel than they used to be: and people don’t worry so much about cancelling, as they have so much more choice.

You need to focus on getting her to invest more, go for a date that is easy for her to commit to and create more desire to overcome this.

You lost momentum

Your place on their priority list will slide even further if you let the interaction lose momentum. You may have hit it off one weekend, but by the next, she may not even be able to remember fully what you looked like. Interactions are like any reaction- they go cold after a while. So if you lose momentum in-between, by not keeping her engaged with a brief piece of flirtation every few days, she may lose her incentive to see you.

The lesson here is to set a date very close to your initial meet, and if you have to ‘pencil something in’ for a few weeks ahead then maintain good contact in-between. Build comfort and investment; don’t ever just assume it’s on.

Your Immediate Reaction

Now as tempting as it is to call people out on their (lame) flaky behaviour: this will never help you in the long run. Not only do you burn your bridges with this person; but you’ve also let them know that you value them more than they value you. Instead send a nonchalant ‘Hey no problem, I was getting my arm twisted into going out with my guy mates anyway. Catch you another time’ kind of message, then give them a few days of ‘vacuum’ so that they miss you maintaining momentum.

Your Next Strategy

After a couple of days send them a message that’s mission is to re-engage them. Going for a date again straight away after they’ve bailed on you is probably not a great idea: this will feel like too much effort on your part. Instead try to get them hooked again with a ping message:

Hey Sarah, Hope your weekend was fun in the end? I ended up having a crazy night out Saturday, and was still feeling wobbly at work today, think my boss noticed…

The message shouldn’t make any demands on her; so much so that it’s not even a big deal if she doesn’t respond (which is a reasonable possibility so be prepared for sending a few more messages like this over the coming weeks).

However, if you get a warm, fast-ish, long-ish response from her it’s a decent sign to push again towards the meet up.

If she doesn’t bite though, be prepared to repeat the cycle:

• Don’t seem negative/ angry
• Vacuum
• Ping message
• Try again to meet if you get a good response

As long as you extend the vacuum every time you don’t get the response you want you can dodge looking too needy.  Hit the six month mark though and if you’re still playing this game I’d recommend a different strategy: either delete the number or post her a box of Kellogg’s. You decide how you want to burn the bridge!

Hey guys,

So for my first post I want to talk about something which affects almost everyone who starts learning about game – Outcome Dependancy.

Let’s think for a minute, what does game come down to? Value is of course the answer. All the techniques and skills out there are so that we can put ourselves into a position of high value; this is attractive, and so we get the girl. I should clarify at this point that by value I mean social value. This is the culmination of all of the signals you, and other people, give off about your position, status, career prospects, social circle and all other indicators that you are a good potential father for her children (don’t worry, not every woman consciously thinks this whenever they look at you!).

I should also point out that you don’t have to have a super high flying job with a load of cash to burn to portray these traits (of which I will talk more in a later post). Remember that being a rubbish collector may seem low value, but if you are doing it to pay for night classes so you can become a banker, lawyer or whatever else, then that shows ambition, and ambition shows you are a high value guy.

But I digress from the point. So if we are trying to show that we are high value, then why do we care so much about the outcome? This is a fault that has been present in the community for a long time, and is almost hard wired in to a guy. Outcome dependency is a situation you find yourself in when you define how well an interaction went, or how ‘good’ you are, and this is not just in game but anywhere in life, by the result you get.

Now of course if you have taken one of our courses you will know that we push you to get the best results you can get, and while you are practicing it is always important to go for every number, kiss or whatever, because if you don’t, how will you know if you can do it? But the key thing to realise is that what do these things mean? A number or email is a way to stay in contact. A kiss is an intimate moment (most of the time). Sex can be different things to different people, but mostly is a good workout and a way to burn off a few calories!

Should we attach so much value to each of these things? Does a movie or rock star define himself by the fact he got a number last night? Or is it just part of who he is? When learning game we tend to get caught up in the fact we are getting more numbers, kisses or whatever than before but we shouldn’t ever go in to the interaction with an outcome solid in our mind. Because if we don’t get it then how do we feel?

I had a student with another instructor who we taught some strip club game too. He had been doing really well and started the session saying how he could get any girl! So to test this we told him to go and approach a stripper. He didn’t do an approach all night. He had come to place so much value on the fact he could get a girls number that he got anxiety about that view of himself being challenged. Remember that while it is nice to get a number, kiss or  more, it is not everything. If you place a lot of value on it, so will she. And she will feel the pressure. Chances of success? Pretty low.

Instead relax, have fun and realise that a high value guy doesn’t really mind if he gets it or not. So he doesn’t put as much pressure on it. Which means it is more likely to happen. As an exercise go out there and open sets without caring what happens. Open in a wild or silly way, or with bad openers like ‘I have been addicted to cheesecake for 2 months, do you know a good cheesecake rehab centre?’

It doesn’t matter if the set goes well or not, but do it for the fun of it, and if something good happens then that is just the way you roll ;-)

Have fun guys, I’ll be back soon!

Karl