In case you haven’t noticed the constant Mariah Carey songs, specials on TV and Mrs. Claus outfits popping up in Anne Summers- it’s Christmas. The time of year for pulling at parties… and then sending drunken texts after one too many mulled wines.

Having received (and sent) some seriously ropey texts whilst under the influence in the past; I’m gonna take five minutes out from my Xmas-gaming activities to write a few guidelines on how to get a day two after that mistletoe fuelled make out session.

1. Avoid the appearance of being drunk: Misspelled words, late night phone beeps, and texts that don’t make sense all make you appear out of control. There is a fine line between a spur of the moment text on a night out and losing your inhibitions completely by sending a bunch of texts in a row to someone who you would normally think twice about contacting. Often alcohol makes us over invest as we text and say more than we would under normal circumstances. This isn’t often a good thing: being super drunk doesn’t look too great, nor does five texts in a row at about 3am. So next time you want to reach for your phone after a B52 think again. Focus on enjoying the night out that you’re on, being with your friends and don’t think about ‘that girl’ who you want to contact, until the next morning when you can send her a sober night telling her about all the fun you had the night before:

2. Use nicknames to make her remember you without you having to ask:

Is nearly as low value as it gets. It implies that she will have forgotten you (when you should come from a place of feeling unforgettable); and doesn’t even help her remember you by giving her your name. If there has been a gap between you meeting a girl and sending her a text, or if you met under pretty drunken circumstances, then just nickname your texts instead:

3. Never sound apologetic: This is why it’s important to avoid drunken, bad texts if possible as you then may have to back track the next day after sending them- and grovelling texts are never cool! Also avoid seeming uncertain of whether the date is going to happen with texts like these:

4. Instead seem certain that the day two is on: To do this use imperative, commanding, powerful language to imply that it’s on and that it’s a given that she’s going to meet up with you:

5. Use exciting vocabulary rather than logistics to get her hooked:

This isn’t erotic it just gives details of where to meet, whilst forgetting to incentivise why she should be interested in coming. A quick tip to make your texts more exciting is to use exciting vocabulary when talking about your date. Skip words like ‘nice’ when describing your experience, and date suggestions. Instead go for awesome, intriguing, amazing etc:

Anyway time to get back to arranging my own day twos. Have a great Christmas- I hope Santa brings everyone plenty of HBs.