Posts Tagged ‘game’

Hey guys,

Wow, I can’t believe it has been so long since I last posted! Jumping on the New Year bandwagon this is actually a post I meant to put up around November but never got around to it.

The Background.

When with a student I like to refer to how important a first impression is. If your first impression isn’t strong, you face a battle to make up lost distance, and then prove to her that you are a cool guy worth spending time with.

Now a few people might have read that and start crying out old pick-up mantras: ‘But I’m the prize! She should want to game me!’ Let’s be honest with ourselves here, none of that is true… at least not straight away.

You only become the prize once you have proven you are the prize. Very few girls will actively view you straight away as someone to be chased and invested in without you having shown them why. It can happen, but only in special circumstances. In a regular bar, nightclub or in the street, you need to show them why you are worth the effort.

And all this comes down to making a good first impression.  By doing this you are cutting out a great deal of work for yourself, as most of the qualities you need to convey, aside from conversational ability and escalation ability, can be demonstrated in that initial moment. That’s why we are going to have a look at these qualities and go through how to show them effectively in this post.

The Breakdown

 
First let’s break this down into two sections, the initial look, and the initial contact. The initial look is what they see when they first look at you. The first judgement they will make. It comes in three parts:
1) Fashion.
2) Body language.
3) Value in the environment.

Each of these three things are related to your overall value. If all three (minimum two out of three) are high, then you come across as a high value guy and the girl is more likely to be open to you approaching, forcing IOI’s, etc. Without them, it will naturally be more of an uphill battle.
The initial contact comes in when you actually open your mouth and deliver the opener, and comes in four parts.
1) Eye contact.
2) Body language.
3) Vocal tonality.
4) Proximity.

Together these four things make the strongest impression when making contact. Strong eye contact is a sign of a comfortable, secure and confident man. This is especially true when combined with relaxed body language.

By having a voice that is paced (by which I mean you aren’t speaking too fast), this shows an air of dominance and authority. Notice how good public speakers pause and slow down as they say their key points. It is the same theory here.

Finally, your proximity (how close you are standing) to them will grab their attention and make sure they have noticed you. The ideal distance is right on the edge of their comfort zone. If you want a guide, it would be the same distance from your elbow to the tips of your fingers, if your arm were bent at your side.

The worst thing that can happen when you open is not for a girl to say ‘no thanks’ and then to turn away. It is for her to say ‘excuse me?’ (or much more likely in England ‘what?’). If you haven’t got her attention before you open your mouth it is an uphill struggle from there. It is far better to create a good first impression with a bit of thought and effort, and make the work later a bit easier, rather than springing a surprise opinion opener on a girl without her knowing you are going to say something beforehand.

So there we have a bit of a mindset (though slightly technical) first post of the New Year for you all. I plan on finishing my Strategy for Nightgame post series soon, but in the mean time if you have any questions on this or my other posts, please do not hesitate to contact me on: karl@puatraining.com

Until next time!

Karl

Why does your mind go blank in front of a hot girl?

Have you even been in the situation where you walk up to a hot girl and your mind goes completely blank, only to think of the best thing to say once you have left? If this is something you have experienced then you are in good company. There is not one guy I know who that this has not happened to the in the past. This post is about why it happens and the steps you can take to prevent it from happening from you in the future.

Our brains are wired and designed for survival, especially the male brain. There are two basic parts to the brain, the cerebral cortex (the outer part of the brain) and the R complex (the inner and oldest part of the brain). We take in information through our senses and this then activates the cerebral cortex for thought or the R complex for movement. When both parts of the brain work in synchronicity they we have both thought and movement, meaning we can react to situations whilst also thinking and rationalising about it giving you options in a situation.

When both parts of the brain are working in sync all is well, however depending on the situations and stimulus, only one part of the brain often reacts. When just the cerebral cortex works alone then all you have is thought and day dreaming. When just the R complex is activated then it produces emotional and physical reactions, this is how fears and phobias are structured. Thinking without movement and reaction without thinking are both critical for survival but it can leave us in trouble when we need to do the exact opposite.

So what makes the inner and emotional brain react without communicating with the cerebral cortex? The answer is fear, or at least perceived fear. When there is a perceived threat the brain switches to survival mode, by this I mean R complex is activated. Our speech centers are not directly linked with the R complex, so when you are reacting to survive, you literally cut off your access to your cerebral cortex to think and speak. When the perceived threat is past i.e. when the hot girl goes, then the brain starts to work in synchronicity again and you once again get access to thought and speech. So when in danger your mind goes blank, when in a relaxed state you have proper access to thought and speech.

 So what does all this neuroscience nonsense mean and how can it actually help you? Put it like this, when you are with your friends or family do you ever run out of things to say? Usually not, the reason because you know there is not a perceived threat from them and usually you actually have things to talk about. There are two areas you need to work on, firstly you need to learn how to be more relaxed when talking to girls, secondly you need to improve your conversation skills and have something to talk about.

Let us take the first part of the solution, becoming more relaxed when talking to girls, or as some of you guys call it “being in set”. The advice to be more relaxed when talking to girls is about as helpful as when girls say “just be confident” or “just be yourself”. If you have not had much success with women or not that great at talking to people in general, then making cold approaches to hot girls is going to create a lot of anxiety and fear.

Most guys who get into game want to be able to walk up and seduce any girl, anytime, anywhere, but this takes a lot of skill and practice. If you have problems striking up a conversation with a man or a women you do not fancy in the queue for the bus, then you are going to have real problems talking to girls you do like. The truth is that you can not be good with hot girls if you are not great with all people. Guys who are naturally good with women always tend to be with all people!

My area of work is helping guys reduce anxiety when talking with women and build self esteem, unfortunately I can not get to the bottom of your issues in a blog post but I can give you some tips to improve your success. Follow these three simple guidelines and I guarantee that you will have improved success with girls and people in general.

1) Start to make small talk with more people. If you work in an office make a conscious effort to speak to more people, even it is just asking them about their weekend. Try to elicit good emotions, memories and feeling from people and not bad ones. For example if it has rained all weekend and on the Monday morning in work, do not moan about the weather. Instead ask them what good things they did and take it from there.

2) Create mutual rapport with people. Walking up to a girl cold without knowing anything about her is hard, so instead go to events, clubs, societies, meetings, classes or anything thing where you have shared interests with others. When you have something else to focus on it shifts the pressure off you and therefore your mind is less likely to go blank. Try www.meetup.com and find local interest groups and go! I personally attend a range of events from hypnosis meetups to internet marketing workshops. Speaking to someone at a meetup where you have shared interests is so easy and effortless.

3) Do your research and have things to talk about. Recently I meet up with a girl who is really into promoting stand-up comedy events. Before I went to meet her I simply did a quick check on google news to see what was happening in the comedy world. That week Frankie Boyle had been in trouble over making some offensive jokes about the queen, Michael McIntyre has just announced he was going to tour the UK and play the O2 arena and BBC3 were launching a new program all about new stand-up comedians. From less than 2 minutes work I had 3 solid things I could talk about and get her opinions on.

Remember that you want to elicit good memories with people and make them feel good in your company. People like each other for the way they make them feel, so become good at making people feel good about themselves. By this I do not mean suck up to people, instead get them access long term memories. For example with the girl who was into stand-up comedy some questions I asked her included; do you remember the first joke you ever heard, who is your favorite comedian and why, what are some of the best gigs you have gone to, what is the best part about running comedy nights, who would you most like to perform at your gigs etc etc.

I hope that you have found this information useful and they you go out and try it. I would love to hear how you get on, please feel free to drop me an email at hypnomatt@puatraining.com. If you are still getting approach anxiety or your mind keeps going blank, then I am available in London for 1-2-1 sessions. I am a fully qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist and I specialise in working with guys to help improve their inner game

Matt Kendall AKA HypnoMatt
PUATraining Master Trainer and Clinical Hypnotherapist

hey guys

first of all , I appologise that  for the fact that I have not been posting on here for a while now,

this is not because I have been a lazy bitch, it’s  because I have been a busy bitch.