Are you ready? Take a deep breath. Ok

Often making out for the first time isn’t that hot.

Yep, I said it. Despite all of us PUA types mentally punching the air when we get a ‘K-Close’ often there are far sexier ways to entice a woman into bed.

K Close girl in Sardinia from Hayley Quinn on Vimeo.

Thanks to Hollywood, and bad romance novels, first kisses get a lot of good press: there is a beautiful moment of hesitation, then a perfectly executed kiss, and the world starts spinning etc.

This can all happen after a prolonged period of courtship, romance and all the other things that we’re certainly not considering when first kisses usually take place: on the dance floor of a nightclub at 1am. In this environment, so many times I’ve watched the magical first kiss moment disintegrate into a slobbery, overly enthusiastic affair, where being able to hold your breath for long periods of time seems to be the main objective. In fact they remind me of my first EVER kiss: I was thirteen, the boy did it for a 50p bet as I was the least attractive girl in school (check out that picture) and it was a harrowing, dishwasher-like experience.

Really, the kiss should be a prelude to a same night lay, but in these circumstances so often a poorly executed first kiss becomes a sexual deterrent instead.

Diving straight in for a french kiss says to a woman, “I’m the kind of guy who is all about hardcore action: you might as well forget about foreplay, seduction and orgasms when I’m around baby. I just want to bend you over and get down to business.”

This is not the message that you want to convey if you’re trying to get a woman to go home with you. You need to give her a carrot and stick motivation to have sex with you that night rather than play your ace too soon.

The carrot should be the fact that she thinks you’re going to be amazing in bed. This means lots of subtle, seductive kino around her erogenous zones. We’re talking light single finger strokes to her neck, inner arms, the small of her back. The best executed of these are often so subtle that no-one else in the bar or club is aware they’re going on- creating a seductive, secret that only the two of you share.

I also want you to scrap hugging and hand holding and replace it with far sexier light pressure from your hands holding onto her hips, gently squeezes as your hand drifts down her arm; your lips brushing her cheek, neck, wrists. Anything that screams ‘I know about foreplay, I will take my time to enjoy you tonight.’

There is truth in the expression, ‘always leave them wanting more’. A sloppy, slightly awkward kiss, that hasn’t had enough anticipation or build up, leave her thinking the exact opposite: ‘Whoa that’s enough.’

So give her an incentive (carrot) to come back with you by practicing subtle kino. Then deprive her of yourself fully (stick) so that in order to get sexual satisfaction from you she has to commit further to the interaction. This is why well known lotharios often pop out such beautiful lies as:

“I’m just not the kind of guy to make out with a girl in public, I want to enjoy my night, and all this…” gestures to woman, “…will have to wait until later.”

Or after kissing once on the lips, pulls away, stares deeply into the woman’s eyes, leans back or takes a woman by the arm and leads her to another place in the bar- rather than trying to escalate any further.

A good PUA knows that it is better to play your cards perfectly for a same night lay, rather than fold too soon by going for the kiss.

Forget, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, and instead think ‘deprivation makes the lust grow stronger’ and you won’t go far wrong.

It takes a strong man to deprive me of what I want when I’m attracted to him. It is infuriating for me, but I also perceive the guy as a challenge, as being in control. This is attractive. Instead of weakly complying to my demands, if he decides when we get down and dirty on his terms then I only like him more, and the sex seems worth waiting for.

Xx

Hayley Quinn