Posts Tagged ‘nlp’

Why does your mind go blank in front of a hot girl?

Have you even been in the situation where you walk up to a hot girl and your mind goes completely blank, only to think of the best thing to say once you have left? If this is something you have experienced then you are in good company. There is not one guy I know who that this has not happened to the in the past. This post is about why it happens and the steps you can take to prevent it from happening from you in the future.

Our brains are wired and designed for survival, especially the male brain. There are two basic parts to the brain, the cerebral cortex (the outer part of the brain) and the R complex (the inner and oldest part of the brain). We take in information through our senses and this then activates the cerebral cortex for thought or the R complex for movement. When both parts of the brain work in synchronicity they we have both thought and movement, meaning we can react to situations whilst also thinking and rationalising about it giving you options in a situation.

When both parts of the brain are working in sync all is well, however depending on the situations and stimulus, only one part of the brain often reacts. When just the cerebral cortex works alone then all you have is thought and day dreaming. When just the R complex is activated then it produces emotional and physical reactions, this is how fears and phobias are structured. Thinking without movement and reaction without thinking are both critical for survival but it can leave us in trouble when we need to do the exact opposite.

So what makes the inner and emotional brain react without communicating with the cerebral cortex? The answer is fear, or at least perceived fear. When there is a perceived threat the brain switches to survival mode, by this I mean R complex is activated. Our speech centers are not directly linked with the R complex, so when you are reacting to survive, you literally cut off your access to your cerebral cortex to think and speak. When the perceived threat is past i.e. when the hot girl goes, then the brain starts to work in synchronicity again and you once again get access to thought and speech. So when in danger your mind goes blank, when in a relaxed state you have proper access to thought and speech.

 So what does all this neuroscience nonsense mean and how can it actually help you? Put it like this, when you are with your friends or family do you ever run out of things to say? Usually not, the reason because you know there is not a perceived threat from them and usually you actually have things to talk about. There are two areas you need to work on, firstly you need to learn how to be more relaxed when talking to girls, secondly you need to improve your conversation skills and have something to talk about.

Let us take the first part of the solution, becoming more relaxed when talking to girls, or as some of you guys call it “being in set”. The advice to be more relaxed when talking to girls is about as helpful as when girls say “just be confident” or “just be yourself”. If you have not had much success with women or not that great at talking to people in general, then making cold approaches to hot girls is going to create a lot of anxiety and fear.

Most guys who get into game want to be able to walk up and seduce any girl, anytime, anywhere, but this takes a lot of skill and practice. If you have problems striking up a conversation with a man or a women you do not fancy in the queue for the bus, then you are going to have real problems talking to girls you do like. The truth is that you can not be good with hot girls if you are not great with all people. Guys who are naturally good with women always tend to be with all people!

My area of work is helping guys reduce anxiety when talking with women and build self esteem, unfortunately I can not get to the bottom of your issues in a blog post but I can give you some tips to improve your success. Follow these three simple guidelines and I guarantee that you will have improved success with girls and people in general.

1) Start to make small talk with more people. If you work in an office make a conscious effort to speak to more people, even it is just asking them about their weekend. Try to elicit good emotions, memories and feeling from people and not bad ones. For example if it has rained all weekend and on the Monday morning in work, do not moan about the weather. Instead ask them what good things they did and take it from there.

2) Create mutual rapport with people. Walking up to a girl cold without knowing anything about her is hard, so instead go to events, clubs, societies, meetings, classes or anything thing where you have shared interests with others. When you have something else to focus on it shifts the pressure off you and therefore your mind is less likely to go blank. Try www.meetup.com and find local interest groups and go! I personally attend a range of events from hypnosis meetups to internet marketing workshops. Speaking to someone at a meetup where you have shared interests is so easy and effortless.

3) Do your research and have things to talk about. Recently I meet up with a girl who is really into promoting stand-up comedy events. Before I went to meet her I simply did a quick check on google news to see what was happening in the comedy world. That week Frankie Boyle had been in trouble over making some offensive jokes about the queen, Michael McIntyre has just announced he was going to tour the UK and play the O2 arena and BBC3 were launching a new program all about new stand-up comedians. From less than 2 minutes work I had 3 solid things I could talk about and get her opinions on.

Remember that you want to elicit good memories with people and make them feel good in your company. People like each other for the way they make them feel, so become good at making people feel good about themselves. By this I do not mean suck up to people, instead get them access long term memories. For example with the girl who was into stand-up comedy some questions I asked her included; do you remember the first joke you ever heard, who is your favorite comedian and why, what are some of the best gigs you have gone to, what is the best part about running comedy nights, who would you most like to perform at your gigs etc etc.

I hope that you have found this information useful and they you go out and try it. I would love to hear how you get on, please feel free to drop me an email at hypnomatt@puatraining.com. If you are still getting approach anxiety or your mind keeps going blank, then I am available in London for 1-2-1 sessions. I am a fully qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist and I specialise in working with guys to help improve their inner game

Matt Kendall AKA HypnoMatt
PUATraining Master Trainer and Clinical Hypnotherapist

Enjoyed this post? Then you're going to LOVE the material we've got waiting for you....here

It is that time of year again when I get bombarded with people giving me their advice on New Year’s resolutions and how to really “go for it”, “smash those barriers” etc. I work with people everyday helping them to achieve their goals in a practical and methodical manor. From working with hundreds of people I have noticed what really works and what does not. By keeping in contact with clients it has allowed me to track their progress and see the differences between those who make progress and those who stay stuck.

I have put together my top tips for making sure your goals are never reached and that you stay as you are, or even end up in a worse place. Follow these rules and be frustrated forever!

Make totally unrealistic and unattainable goals
Firstly you have to make completely unrealistic and unattainable goals. If you are 15 stone overweight then aim to be skinny, if you are broke then aim to be a millionaire, if you are single and never had a partner then make sure you want to be able to approach and seduce anyone you choose.

Remember at the first sign that everything is not going to plan, jack it all in and blame everyone and everything apart from yourself.

Ensure that you believe when you reach your goal, life will be pain free and super happy
OK everyone, time to think positively. Once you are skinny life will be amazing, once you are rich you won’t have any problems and once you have a girlfriend/boyfriend life will be just peachy. As soon as you reach this massive goal, everything is going to be fine. No more pain, no more suffering, no more living like you do now. All your problems just magically disappear.

Make it one giant leap, never make milestones
Never take small steps! As this time you are going to really do it, you just know it. On Monday morning everything will just happen and you will start to live your new life. If you are currently overweight and eat far too much, don’t worry as on Monday you will eat small portions of healthy food and be skinny by Friday. Hey, in fact as you are going to start your diet on Monday, you should eat as much bad food as you can before then!

Breaking super massive goals down into milestones is boring and silly, always make sure you make massive goals so you can really get the adrenalin going just thinking about it. So what if you currently eat 5 take-a-ways a week and never exercise, that Monday morning run and porridge breakfast is defiantly going to happen. You are going to really stick at your new lifestyle this time and not fall at the first hurdle. Make massive changes that completely contradict your way of life, it is the only way to make changes that stick!

Never get professional help
Professionals, bah what do they know. Just because they have spent years studying and working with people getting proven results, you should never go near them. Professionals cost a lot of money, just because they know their subject inside out and know how to get the results you desire, it doesn’t mean you should ever go near them. Instead why not do a bit of research on the internet, or better still buy a self help book. Now you are your own expert. Simple eh!

Never plan what you are going to do and when
It is dangerous to plan ahead, especially with all the fun you will be having with your super new life. Sitting down and working out a methodical and practical step by plan and gathering the resources you will need is a complete waste of time. Instead just think of the goal e.g. I want a million pounds, and just get started. You will just learn as you go along and soon you will have a million pounds and a great pain free life you have already dreamt about.

Just think it and you will achieve it. The universe loves you!
Fans of the film “The Secret” already know this proven and completely true universal law, “just think it and it will happen”. Are you broke? Then simply think about cheques and money being delivered to you and it will happen. Single and lonely, well just cut out pictures of people you are attracted to, put them on your dream board and soon they will be walking through your door and throwing themselves at you. Massively overweight? Simply stand in front of the mirror and picture yourself as being slim, there is no need to make any changes or exercise. Not when you know “The Secret”.

The universe loves you and it is there to serve you. Everything happens for a reason and all your wishes will come true. Remember to just think about what it is you want and it will be delivered every time. Know this amazing information how could you ever fail to achieve all your dreams?

Sadly I put this on a message board a couple of weeks ago and people emailed me to thank me for the great information and they are now following my advice. They actually thought they were serious steps to goal setting. Reading the above article you may think I am just a mean person, this is not true. I have worked in the field of change work for several years and I get frustrated when I see people profiting from other people’s pain.

Every year we fall for the same old tricks. Just turn on the TV or read the newspaper and look at all the adverts offering you an amazing new life. People who are desperate will buy and do anything to achieve their goals yet they have little direction, plans or even an understanding to why they want to achieve them.

If you are serious about making changes in your life then I can offer just a few simple tips;

Make a direction instead of a destination.
Instead of wanting to be skinny, aim to live a more healthy lifestyle. Instead of wanting to seduce everyone, aim to improve your social skills and talk to one or two people a day. By making a destination people are often lost when they arrive there and do not know which direction to then take, often they go back to the start as this is what they already know. A common form of this is yo yo dieting, once the weight is lost you do not know what to do so you simply go back to how you were before and the weight starts to gain again.

Work with professionals.

If you want the best results then work with people who can really help you. Put the self help books down, stop going on the internet trying to find that little tip, secret or product that will transform everything. Personal trainers, hypnotherapists, dieticians, doctors, financial advisors etc are all available. Yes it may cost you money, but how much is achieve your goals actually worth to you? Working with professionals also makes you accountable to someone and they can save you so much time, pain and wasted effort.

Make plans.
When making a goal, remember to put plans into place and prepare. I specialise in helping people with social anxiety and weight loss and I am always amazed at how people never prepare. If you want to become more sociable then you need to actually plan things to do, start to fill up your calendar and stick to it. If you want to eat more healthily then you need to go and buy and prepare the food to take to work etc. Without proper planning we tend to fall back into old habits.

Calm down!
Everyone wants to change overnight. Unfortunately that is not going to happen, and if it does then it is build on very weak foundations. I have worked with people who have been for weight loss surgery and they are surprised that they are gaining the weight back almost straight away. The fact is that their mind and habits are that of an overweight person, they simply do not know how to act as a thin person.

Aim to make small changes that you can stick to and make part of your daily and weekly life. Sometimes you need to take larger steps, especially to get going, but then introduce small and manageable changes that are not going to revert. When you make massive changes they are hard to stick to, once you fail on one it tends to bring everything crashing down.

Change your strategy, not the amount of effort
Human behaviour is often a strange thing. One major part of our behaviour that keeps is stuck is our desire to be right. We hate to be wrong and we tend to stick to what we know, even though it does not deliver results. Instead of changing our strategy, we put more effort into what we are already doing in an attempt to be right.

People get stuck in their own patterns and this leads to frustration and depression. A classic example is people trying to lose weight. They read every new diet book and try them all, yes they might lose a few pounds but it always come back. Others will tell them that diets do not work, but they don’t listen. Instead they keep buying the books and the products hoping that one day they will find the right one and the weight will fall off.

This is another reason why working with professionals is priceless, they can look at what you are doing and make simple yet highly effective changes. It often takes someone with an objective viewpoint to see the mistakes you are making.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

If you want help with your goals this year, drop me an email at hypnomatt@puatraining.com

HypnoMatt

Enjoyed this post? Then you're going to LOVE the material we've got waiting for you....here