Posts Tagged ‘PUA Openers’

Ok in this post I’m going to be talking you through how to deal with one of the most common, and frustrating, responses a girl can give you: the cold shoulder. Yep, that horrible moment when you’ve made your approach to the hot girl leaning up against the bar in a club, and her first reaction is to turn away. This behaviour sucks (and I’d never personally do this) but it happens all the time.

I can imagine how you feel when she gives you the cold shoulder:

Frustrated and angry that she’s been so rude?

Sad and dejected that your approach must have been embarrassingly bad?

Resolute that this girl will never end up in your bed?

Or maybe all three? Luckily for you,  all of these assumptions may not be true at all. However, so often the way you respond assumes something incorrectly causing you to react negatively and lose the opportunity to turn the situation around.

No interaction is ever perfect; and how you respond to women can often ‘correct’ even the worst ‘mistakes’.

Right so here are some common ways that you may respond:

1. With anger: you may swear at her, make a nasty comment or just storm off. This is a natural response to have but doesn’t really help you get any further in your journey to getting her into bed. In fact, her, her friends and any other girls that saw are going to think that you’ve reacted like the biggest jerk in history. Also you always want to convey that you’re secure enough in yourself, that one girl’s stupid reaction doesn’t affect you. She’s just not that important to get angry about.
2. By criticizing yourself and trashing any chances of you doing any future approaches: Whilst it’s good to analyze why she may have given you the cold shoulder (maybe you didn’t approach with enough intent, maybe your tonality was off, or your body language weak) but don’t beat yourself up too much about this, and let one bad response ruin your evening. Women are allowed to have a bad day (often we call this PMS) or maybe she’s just been hit on already that day by a bunch of hopeless guys and just wants to spend her time with her friends. Sure if she doesn’t respond well to your approach there are probably areas of what you’re doing that you can tweak, but don’t criticise yourself: there are a lot of other factors that could have affected her response.
3. By acting apologetically: Also don’t react apologetically by supplicating to her. This can be verbal, “Sorry erm, enjoy your evening anyway”, or can be sub-communicated by raising your voice, speaking quickly, or by allowing your body language to lean in or down to her. These are all techniques we use to become less threatening. However, less threatening doesn’t usually equal more attractive. Besides you’re a great guy with nothing to apologise for: if she meets you properly she’ll realise what great value you have to give her.
4. By being non-reactive and just walking off: whilst it’s powerful not to be emotionally affected by a negative response don’t just give up! Cold shoulders are often subconscious tests of whether your frame, your masculinity, and whether your inner game is strong enough to deal  with her. Or she may have rejected you because you didn’t convey your intent well enough, or what you’re about strongly enough. Let’s face it: if she knew what an awesome guy you are, there’s no way she would have done that. Just giving up does you a disservice and also allows her to get away with some shoddy behaviour.

Instead of behaving in any of these ways I want you to do the following:

1. Re-engage her with minimum effort: To do this you want to minimise your further investment in the interaction. I’d suggest gently touching her on the shoulder to move her body language a little more towards yours; as you do this you can shift your body weight a little so that you are closer to being diagonally facing each other (first photo) than you facing her side/ back (second photo). Then try to project your voice, instead of leaning in

2. Acknowledge what she’s done- but how you’re not affected by it: It’s important to ‘call her out’ on her bad behaviour, to show that you won’t tolerate it, “Hey, I think you just gave me the cold shoulder…” whilst maintaining a light hearted, playful tonality that suggests you’re not fazed/ upset by it.

3. Acknowledge why she’s done it- but that you accept her reasons for it: Show how socially well calibrated you are by appreciating why she may have behaved how she did, “Hey, I think you just gave me the cold shoulder, but that’s ok; I know that you don’t know me that well yet.” This will help to put her at ease that you understand her limitations and are aware enough to understand her. Always deliver what you say at all times with a slow, calm tonality to show that her reaction hasn’t made you socially anxious.

4. Get a positive response from her: Often at this stage a little humour and confident behaviour can help make her smile and re-engage her with you, “Hey, I think you just gave me the cold shoulder, but that’s ok; I know that you don’t know me that well yet. It is making me look kinda bad though, so turn around and let’s try this again.” In order to lead her effectively you need to have conviction in what you’re doing so be confident, keep the tonality level, and assume her compliance.

Hopefully that will have given you guys a head start on how to deal with one of the most common problems you’ll encounter, and allow you to overcome it, carry on running your game, and get the result you want.

Look out for more of my future blog posts, and I hope to catch you at a PUA Training Bootcamp, or on a Residential Course.

Hayley Quinn Xx

p.s. Big thank you to my mate Andy Shannon (andy@andyshannon.co.uk) for the filming and photography used in this blog

Everything starts with the approach.  If you can’t figure out the approach, no matter how good the rest of your game is, you are screwed.  In this article I’m going to give you some practical and tested advice so you’ll know how to approach women anywhere.  A lot of advice is very specific to a particular location like a nightclub or the gym, but there are fundamentals that underlie any successful approach and these are what I am going to share with you.

Step 1 – Approach women with the right mindset

The first part of approaching is mindset.  Try this little exercise in your mind.  Imagine there is a beautiful girl that is your ideal type, you look at her and have a second or so of eye contact, you want to talk to her, but you don’t, you stand there frozen and the moment passes.  Think about how you would feel in that situation.  Now imagine the same situation but this time you approach and she says “sorry I’m busy” and turns away.  Think about how you’d feel here.  Would you feel good that you actually had the balls to do it?  Would you feel good that you at least found out whether it was on or not?

Now imagine you approach and everything goes perfectly and you end up getting laid or having a relationship with that girl (different strokes for different folks).  How would you feel then.  So now, imagine that you approach 100 girls and assign a likely probability of success.  In how many would you get a number?  20%?  60%?  Whatever it is, it’s likely enough to make it worth doing.  How much do you think you’d learn from 100 approaches?  So now, when you are in that situation you know that the benefit of approaching far far outweighs not approaching and you will approach just to avoid that bad feeling of being a wussy that couldn’t step up.

Step 2 – Be prepared

The second part is being prepared.  Ideally you see this amazing girl and something pops into your head and it’s the perfect thing to say for just that girl and that situation.  That’s the ideal.  Most of the time though, your mind will be “blank” or racing between different options which you discard one by one as not good enough.  So, pick one opening line that you are comfortable with, that you can use in most situations (not just at the gym when she is on the treadmill going exactly 5mph) and always have that line to fall back on.  Here are some pickup openers you can look at, pick the one you like best, and remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be good enough.

Step 3 – Your skeleton system

The third part is having the skeleton of a system in place so that you know roughly what to do.  Think about the possible responses to your opening line.  Think about how you might introduce yourself – “I’m Richard by the way” , how you might get the number “I go to some great parties with my friends, you should come sometime and check one out.  Okay cool, put your number in my phone and I’ll text you next time we go out”, and also, if it makes you feel better, a way to escape if you need it – “it’s been great speaking to you, but I need to meet some friends, what’s the best way of keeping in touch with you”.

So there you have it, 3 things you can do right away (hint – do it now!).  I hope that gives you a better idea of how to approach women anywhere.  Next we can focus more deeply on conversation skills, dates, and more advanced stuff.

Let me know your thoughts on this one, the above works for me and many other guys but you may have found your own route to successful approaching women.