Posts Tagged ‘pua training’

“You have the most beautiful smile” Nope

“Your eyes are like the ocean” Puke.

“You don’t sweat much for a fat chick” Offensive.

“You’re so hot you make me want to get a job” Not going to do you any favours.

Why do these compliments suck?

Someone has already used them. So if you reel them out on your hot date, they’re going to roll their eyes, and move on. Because you have done nothing to separate yourself from every other guy out there.

You’ll also appear insincere by using cliches; and like you’ve watched ‘The Notebook’ one too many times. Insincerity also makes it appear like you’re not giving the compliment in a genuine way, and that in fact you just want to get something from the woman in question, like a date, a kiss, or some other kind of nooky.

So how do you avoid these pitfalls? You be specific.

A specific compliment that’s tailored to the girl will seem spontaneous, sincere and feet-sweeping awesome.

The best ones are also never about looks; but about the girl’s behaviour or personality, something that is unique to her.

For instance:

“I love the way you walk” feels romantic incomparison to the cruder “I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave”.

“I love how you’re joyously walking around eating pick and mix” will catch a girl off guard when she’s not feeling at her most glamorous.

“I love how you’re still smiling when it’s so late in your shift” works a charm on waitresses and cute shop workers.

“I admire how you told me about how you used to be a chubby, goth girl at school” will seem incredibly sincere if a girl has just opened up to you about her painful school memories on a date.

Uncertain how to make one of these compliments yourself? then just follow this simple formula:

1. Really listen to what a girl is saying if you’re on a date, or observing what she’s doing if you want to use the compliment to approach her.

2. Phrase it as ‘I like x about you’ or ‘I admire x about you’

3. Be as specific as possible: if you want to say a girl has beautiful eyes say why you think they’re beautiful.

4. Use compliments sparingly. One really good, unique comment, is so much better than telling her you love EVERYTHING about her… namely the hope that if you compliment her enough she will sleep with you.

For more hints and tips on how to speak to girls check out www.puatraining.com

Hey guys

A lot of the pick up world seems to focus on getting rock star lifestyle. Rocking up to some high end club with 20 girls in tow, sitting at a private table, drinking champagne and having an after party until the wee hours at some penthouse apartment. This sounds lovely, but I have found that a lot of men, including myself, have absolutely no desire to live this kind of lifestyle.

So what happens to us regular dudes who just want to meet a nice girl and have a relationship? Are we boring? If so will learning game help or hinder our success with finding a girl whom we are compatible with?

The first question to ask yourself is what do you want? Some guys do want to go out and live the rock star life, and that is cool. Learning game is certainly going to help you to achieve this to some degree. I however take a different take on this. I don’t really like clubs, I don’t drink, I don’t like people who go to clubs, I don’t like staying out that late and I like to get up the next day and do things rather than feel like crap. I like more boring activities such as exploring London, spending time with friends, going to gigs and events, organising seminars and workshops, drinking nice coffee and eating out. Hardly rock ‘n’ roll, but I like it.

If you have recently got into game and are now thinking that you have to go out to bars and clubs to meet people, then rest assured that this is not the case. If you are looking to kiss and f close girls, then yes going out to these types of venues are your best bet. But if you are looking for a relationship, then I advise using the skills you learn in game and putting them to use in other places.

One thing you can not avoid is going out and talking to people. You do not learn social skills and game by sitting and home and reading articles like this. You learn it by going out and being with people, the right sort of people. I truly believe that inner game and confidence is built upon success rather than this weird notion that we have to go out and fail 99%. I don’t like failing at things and I try to avoid it when possible. I like to plan things then put them into action.

If you are looking to make a genuine connection with a girl then you are going to have patience. Love at first sight is very rare, instead love usually takes a while to develop through spending time with someone. I have found that the vast majority of people I know in relationships met their partners in one of 4 ways. Those ways of meeting were; educational facility (school, university, college etc), social circle (friends or friends of friends), at work or through a shared hobby or passion. I don’t know many people in relationships who met their partner in a bar or club.

If you are not in education, have exhausted your social circle and there is no one at work that suits you, then you need to look at taking up some new interests and hobbies. If you continue to spend your time with the same people then you are not likely to get any different results. You need to look at what you are doing, the results it is getting you and how you can make changes.

I worked with a client a few months ago who wanted to get back into a relationship. He is a rather quite guy, works in finance and enjoys nothing more than long country walks and cooking. He was rather disheartened with his pick up results as he was meeting loud and obnoxious women who weren’t his type. To be fair he was going to dingy crap clubs and meeting very drunk women. He doesn’t like clubbing, he should never have been in that environment.

When it comes to meeting people you are likely to have a connection with, you need to focus your efforts. My favourite resource is www.meetup.com. There are other similar websites such as City Socialising and Spice. These sites are like portals, a place where you can meet people with similar interests. You can also read your weekly entertainment listings as well as checking online directories.

My best advice is to get known within some sort of scene instead of just going to general events. One guy emailed me last week to say he is going out 4 times a week but unable to build a solid social circle. He is going to singles events and after work drinks type of stuff, so there is not much substance to hold the group together. To get the best results you need to think about a scene or something more substantial to get interested and involved in.

What is important is that whatever you decide to do, you should be doing it through interest and not just to meet women. If you current go to places you don’t really enjoy just to meet girls, than this will shine through. Guys who go to salsa classes are a classic example of this. If you have a genuine interest in something then this will shine through and real and genuine connections can be made, not only with potential partners but new guy friends too.

Some great activities that I have found to work really well with guys who I have monitored over the years include;

Classes and courses. Everything from learning a new language to self development seminars.  

Arts and crafts. Taking up photography, painting, dancing and other creative activities.    

Music. Either playing an instrument or going to see gigs. People bond effortlessly over music especially when it is a love of the same kind e.g. ska, rap, acoustic etc. The more niche the better.

Charity/volunteer work. Getting involved with some sort of charity activity or event. Sponsored runs and events always bring people together.

Sport. Getting involved with a sport or outdoor pursuit helps to unite people.

If you are not a fan of bars and clubs then I advise to stay out of them. Focus your attention on meeting people in places where you are going to have a real reason to talk and let the connection form more naturally over a longer period of time.

Please remember, you meet very few people at home. The girls and the life you desire are not going to come and find you.

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)

Now, I have not blogged for a long time. I had nothing I wanted to express strongly but now I will be blogging more. I hope you are all well and for anyone who has not read my blog before WELCOME (and read the past one’s… they’re bloody good ;)

So on with the blog… This blog is aimed more at those out there who are advanced or have been in the game for a while.

Have you felt, that even though you are getting amazing results that you are just faking it still?

That you have this identity of being a ‘leader amongst men’ or ‘top PUA’ but it is all painted on?

Have you met ‘gurus’ that you feel this might apply to?

I have spent some time with top American natural PUA whilst he has been in town. He is a very cool guy. I have pretty much met all the big names in the business. Some have been great but many have overly impressed me if I’m honest. They are just normal guys (some not so normal to be quite truthful) and my natural friends I grew up with and rolled with for so many years are much better with women, for them attraction has become effortless. However, this guy was one of the few people I wanted to meet. I liked his videos and his vibe. I could tell straight away he was the real deal. After spending time with him I started to think what was it he had that so many other top PUAs didn’t? I could see he was inspirational to men.

The last person I wanted to meet and had the chilled out coolness was Richard La Ruina back in early 2008 and very soon after that I started working with him and been good friends since.

Recently I have been revisiting some old pick up material and books. Kind of brings it back and reading my old favourite, the only PUA book I read from start to finish with ease, which is ofcourse, Neil’s book THE GAME. Now we all know it is a great beginners read on so many levels however in one section he writes

“Arbiters of cool like to say that some people have it and other people don’t. And you can tell in an instant, just from looking at them, whether they have it.”

Now, I actually agree with this on some level. I believe that being cool (what ever that is, I actually dislike the word) is not something that you can learn over night, through reading a book or attending a workshop/seminar and (like a good BJ) CAN NOT be faked! I have been doing this job for a while and come across many people and I feel I can now tell instantly on meeting a guy if someone is actually cool or if he is imitating cool.

The sad thing is many guys are happy imitating cool and taking the validation that comes with that from the easily fooled. You might have seen guys bouncing round clubs or the street, fully dressed in their PUA uniform bragging to their less-experienced wings about their skill and past sarges. So many PUA’s young and old, good and bad with women and some who are even successful trainers throughout the industry have what I call painted on coolness. On the surface they can fool someone briefly if it be a girl with a bullshit story or silly routine or even a guy with bragging. However, when you scratch away the surface the paint starts to crack and you see a weak foundation. For me ‘coolness’ only comes from within and a strong core.

So what is ‘cool?’

To be honest I cannot define fully what it is however I can define the characteristics what I believe a ‘cool guy’ has.

* A real strong understanding of people and the word.
* Wisdom not knowledge
* Self-awareness in the ability to know thy self, good points and bad and work with that they have to the best of their ability
* To truly LOVE yourself for your strengths and human weaknesses
* A strong inner confidence that does not need to be demonstrated
* To be self-reliant.
* To not rely on the validation of women, friends or the PUA community.
* Have ambitious and a clear vision and know how you are going to achieve it
* The ability to take action
* The understanding that you can roll with the punches and overcome obstacles
* Taking life in your stride
* AN IDENTITY (which is not just focused on being a PUA and being good with women)

*…..Also to know deep down and believe you can achieve great things, the world is a nice place and that you are the dog’s bollocks!)
Now I am sure there are many more but I’m not that cool to be able to tell you ;)

Some say that ‘Being passive and indifferent to emotional changes in an environment or everything’ is cool.. I feel that is a behaviour choice and subsequently an imitation of cool behaviour too.
However, having a strong identity is one I think many miss. I see too many PUA’s and (some very successful) lack this. They have all the knowledge, the tricks and the lines. They have changed their look, ways of behaving and get some great success with women. They still have NO INDENTITY. They are well-oiled robot. They dress, move, talk and act like one. They follow every new PUA idea, are always thinking in game, thinking other people are trying to ‘game them.’ They dress like their idols and even start sounding like them. For someone first trying to find himself or herself it is understandable to take inspiration from others and children often dress like their favourite pop star and character, but they grow out of it and comes a time when they truly need to find out whom they are. One has to let go of all the tricks, formulas and strategies to project cool behaviour. If you open someone up and all you find is a blank canvas with everyone else’s identity painted on it then it is never going to inspire, lead and charm.

Now I don’t believe ‘coolness’ can be taught but it can be developed over time but only through lifestyle, wisdom and maturity. It can take many years and should not be something a person focuses on because by focusing on it, the charm of true coolness eludes them even more. I truly believe wisdom is only gained through living! Through making mistakes and the growth that comes naturally with that. Knowledge can be read and learnt and some people will try to pass this off knowledge as wisdom. I find that the wise people I know have lived a varied and interesting life and have really put themselves out in the world and worked hard. They are ambitious, take risks and action, dealing with failures with the same joy as success brings.
For me the true root of what makes some guys have natural coolness is down to understanding yourself and the understanding the world and people. That only comes through putting yourself on the line. True coolness has to come from within and NOT BE A CONSCIENCE ACTION. Such as ‘I will do this because it will make me look really cool.’ It has to something you just do without that need for validation.

Cool behaviour flows from the subconscious which makes it effortless.

The best advise I could give to achieve this is to take away the barriers, the bullshit, the ego boosts and pointless validation that being seen in the community as a ‘successful PUA’ brings and spend some honest time finding out who you are and where you truly want to go. Strip away the bollocks…. Only then does an identity form and glow.

Don’t hide behind a fake painted on PUA face or rely on scripted material, routines and silly games. There is a BIG difference between ‘games’ and being in ‘The Game.’ The Game is a healthy way of life that develops an attractive person through lifestyle, it is a choice to be strong, where as ‘games’ are for children, not men.

Now this subject is slightly vague and allusive but not everything written about game involves a quick formula and easy to follow routines and magic pills. Sometime we need to dig a big deeper and take on a focus that is long term

I hope it helps and nice to be blogging again and please feel free to comment or email me questions

Sweeney