Comfort Topics:

At our bootcamps, we teach guys a method to keep a conversation going forever. Even with this powerful tool, the most common problem I see for a guy coming back to me without a number or without the girl is very simply “I ran out of stuff to say.”

Relating, the skill of building rapport through conversation, is where you’ll spend about 80% of the time in a solid pick up. Basically, if you can build rapport with somebody, you can do just about anything with them while you do. Any objection, any ‘I’m not ready,’ any ‘I have a boyfriend,’ is actually little more than a way of saying ‘We don’t have enough rapport yet.’

Relating is essentially the act of finding things you have in common with somebody. It’s discovering that you have similar world views, similar experiences, that you’re on the same page. It’s everything from bloods and crypts giving each other their secret signal to husbands and wives finishing each other’s sentences.

We relate naturally to people we’re friends with. The reason being, most people we’ve known for a while we have a history with. We’ve shared experiences and have old jokes with them. We know the same people, we’ve seen the same movies, we’ve gotten too drunk together that night neither of us remembers. We have all this to talk about, to reference, to relate to. But when we meet a random girl for the first time at a bar, we have none of this.

One of the easiest ways I find to discover common experiences is to steer the conversation towards relatable topics- topics that most women find interesting, have experience with, and, most importantly topics we can share perspectives, opinions, and views on. While down the line you’ll want to find out what makes your special flower unique, starting with some common ground will easily help you to build up to the deeper stuff.

Here are five of my favorite relatable topics. You’ll find it hard to find the girl who doesn’t find at least one of these to be something she’s interested or passionate about.

Fashion

Honestly, if you know what Katy Perry nail polish and Michael Kors watches look like, you may never need another opener again. It happens to be a huge interest of mine, so I could chat about why Zac Posen is just ripping off old-styles with new cuts and how tired I am of Tori Burch flats for hours. Fashion is the lifeblood of so many women, it’s on the front of their magazines, it’s the identity by which they convey their selves to the world. If you can talk fashion, you can instantly hold the undivided attention of the hottest girls in the room and laugh as other guys watch aghast wondering what magic ability you possess.

Further studies: Nylon, W, Vogue, Elle, Instyle, Harper’s Bazzar- all about $10 subscriptions and worth a thousand times the price.

Gossip/Entertainment

If you know that Lonely Boy and Blaire hooked up a few weeks ago and why this is super important, you are now officially blessed with the ability to get about 60% of the women in the continental US to talk for about three hours straight without a breath. (I mean, how could she do that to Serena, seriously?) There’s a reason gossip rags still sell at every supermarket counter and why soap operas are still on the air after all this time. I constantly talk about my celebrity crushes (Emma Stone and Mila Kunis), my hope to now make Mila mine now that Macaulay Culkin is out of the picture, and how cool I think it is that Lindsay Lohan wrote ‘fuck you’ on the fingernails when she went to court. And if you’re unsure as to whether this works, try telling the next girl you’re talking to for a few minutes that you ‘want your pink shirt back,’ and just thank me later.

Further studies: E entertainment television, Perezhilton.com, thesuperficial.com, TMZ

Food

Earlier this year, our instructor Alex was rated this year as one of the top ten pick up artists in the world. About half the time I overhear him chatting with girls he’s talking about cupcakes, how hungry he is, or what the best burger in New York actually is (he says corner bistro, I say Shake Shack). The man is hungry all the time. It’s probably one of his greatest gifts, because girls are dieting most of the time anyway and generally damn near starving. Add in the fact that chocolate triggers most of the same hormones that sex does and you’ve got yourself a damn good topic of conversation. So, go out hungry. Know what’s good in your city, and once the two of you hit something you’ve both been meaning to try you have your date already created for you. Or better yet, just go get it right then if it’s open, and eat it back at your place

Further studies: Yelp, food column of your local newspaper

Nightlife

You’re out. It’s late. You’re by definition somewhere, at some location. And chances are you’re around people who also go out. So, talk about it. What’s your favorite place to go out? Have you been to that new hotel rooftop with the pool? Or that new beer garden? For women, going out is when they strut their stuff, show off their best outfits, break in their new shoes, meet guys and hang with their girls. Going out is about social status, so if you can understand what’s hot and why, you can start to relate on it. It also helps to find people you might know in common that might overlap in terms of your social scene- a commonality that essentially turns a cold approach into a warmly introduced one. I should mention here, that this tends to work in cities where there is a big bar, lounge, and club scene, but as long as you can talk about what’s new and happening around your area, you should be fine. Chat about all the cool, trendy places you’ve been (and if you haven’t, find out where they are and go there, which ones disappointed you, and all the ones you still want to go to. Find a place you’d want to go together, and you’re well on your way to a second meeting. Or, better yet, a perfect location to bounce to.

Further studies: Yelp, Guestofaguest.com, eventful.com, going.com, but more than anything good old fashioned word of mouth.

Relationships

If you’re reading this, you have an interest in relationships. Maybe you’re looking for one, or a lot of them, but you’ve taken an active interest in learning about attraction and connection. Pick up about any women’s magazine and you’ll see rather quickly that a lot of the information advertised to women is centered around dating and guys. The exact stuff you’ve learned about dating makes for an easy topic with most women- how does she meet guys she likes? What’s her worst date? What does she do to attrct guys and what do guys do that attract her? What do they do wrong? What makes a guy become Mr. Right? You’ll find that girls know a lot more than you ever imagined they would about the exact world you’re studying- from push/pull and teasing to building commonalities. Most girls are better at pick up than most guys will ever get, the same girl you’re talking to might have a thing or two to teach you herself.

Further studies: Cosmopolitan, Maxim, PUAtraining blog, AFCadam’s Twitter account, Okcupid blog, He’s just not that into you, Sex and the City, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, the Rules

Obviously, these aren’t the only ones, but they’re tested and deliver results- mostly because they hinge on female interests. And if you don’t know about any or most of these topics, don’t be afraid to study up on one- learning and life experience are the backbones of great conversation.

Best,

Sax.