Approach Anxiety?

We all get it. Even the best PUAs get it. I get it, even today (although I’ve learnt to love it). That feeling of nervousness when you set yourself up for an approach. The anticipation of being blown out. It can’t be avoided – it’s primal. But it can be managed.

1. Frame It Differently

Don’t see the approach as the most important thing in the world. It isn’t. If you frame the approach in that fashion you are going to load yourself with pressure and, chances are, the pressure will get to you and affect your performance. You should frame it like this: you are a fun and social guy, the kind of guy who has no problem going to people to talk to them and have a good time. If you happen to end up in a conversation with a hot babe that’s great. And if you have a conversation with that girl the close will happen naturally.

2. Take Baby Steps

You need to start small and build up. If you make an approach in the early days and all you can think about is the close, you’ll be more heavily invested in the conversation and there will be more ways to fall short of your goal. Break things down into smaller chunks.

When you start out, make it your goal to open as much as possible. Don’t over-analyse things – keep it simple, say hello or ask a simple question and then leave. Once you are comfortable with opening, concentrate on progressing to longer conversations. Eventually, you will be so comfortable in pick-up situations that closes will happen easily and approach anxiety will be more manageable.

3. Reduce The Pressure

If it was as easy as going up to a girl and telling her that you want her, and nothing is going to get in the way of you getting her, I would have wasted the last five years of my life nailing the nuances of interpersonal interactions and would be out of a job to boot. It would be cool if it worked but most of the time it doesn’t. And it will load you with anxiety because there is simply too much pressure. Sneaking in under the radar is easier and much less pressured. Find simple reasons to get talking to your target. Opinion openers are great for this.

4. Don’t Be Too Fussy

Being picky isn’t a bad thing, but you can be too selective. If you only ever approach SHBs (Super Hot Babes), it’ll take years to get over your approach anxiety simply because there aren’t many about and the ones that you do speak to will be difficult challenges so early in your career.

So aim a little lower, at least to start with. Aim to open 20 sets a night to open. You don’t need to close them, only open! You’ll conquer your AA and then you can raise your standards to the right level when you’re ready to rock.

One of the best courses we offer is our Approach course. It lasts six hours and is amazing value. In that time, we will teach you the skills you need to approach confidently for the rest of your life. Even if I do say so myself, it will probably be the best investment you’ve ever made. Drop me a line if you’d like to discuss what we get up to on the course or if you have any questions from today’s mail.

Remember, if approaching is something you have trouble with, check out our exclusive Approaching Confidence CD. It’s our brand new and state-of-the-art product designed specifically to increase your confidence on approaching hot girls. It uses advanced hypnotic communication techniques to help you realise your untapped potential.

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For the stupid price of $1 the same amount of cash as a chocolate bar – you could effect a massive change in your life and revolutionise your success with girls. I think I’ll leave it at that!

Until next time,


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  1. i have always been very selective in which kinda women i've wanted to approach and thanks to that i've been out of PU for nearly an entire year waiting for that type of chick to come along. Lightbulbs have just been flicking on inside my head thanks to you Gambler you are incredible and very true. Thank you i will definitely improve my standards this weeked :D AWE!

  2. done right, both direct and indirect approaches yield excellent results. a PUA shouldn't focus on the actual approach… the goal is to develop "PUA Reflex". however for someone with major approach anxiety issues i would suggest indirect approach. there's nothing as dicouraging as getting over approach anxiety, going direct and getting blown out, that drops your confidence levels to below zero. only go direct if you have the confidence to be blown out and still continue sarging.

  3. Indirect approaches work when used properly. Direct approaches mostly lead too rejection these days. Especially in Australia.. where im from. Indirect approaches are about coming in from under the radar WITHOUT giving away ur intentions. Direct approaches are way too predictable for women these days, even when you dont come across as needy these days.
    Indirect approaches are about showing that they are just another person and youve got better things to worry about and in the meantime prove your not a AFC.

  4. Agreed about indirect approaches.
    Simply spotting girls in a line at a bar then pulling up next to them and ordering while throwing a few words in is perfect. You come across with a goal of purchasing a drink (not coming across too needy) and you've just opened so throughout the rest of the night when you see her uve already broken the ice. Which can lead you into meeting her whole group

  5. Re Unique ' indirect approaches are best'?? Sorry I wish it were true – life would be so much simpler- but I can't agree with that. Women are not stupid – they know as soon as a guy opens his mouth to them he is almost certainly interested in f***ing her. So all a guy does by going indirect is let her know he's too wussy to ask her straight out for a date or at least show intent, so dlv's himself.
    Its a well established adage in the pua community that once you start going direct , you never go indirect. Going direct takes tremendous balls, but there is a tremendous reward for that directness- i.e woman find confidence in a man more attractive than anything else under the sun…

  6. Perfection says:

    Hiya Richard,I totally agree with every thing you say,yet again you don't seem to disappoint me with your amazing knowledge,thanks again mate ,keeep um coming

  7. Indirect approaches are the best, I love them. I always try and comment on the environment around me, example: I was in Starbucks one morning and a hot girl was behind me in the queue, I looked over my shoulder and the conversation went like this:

    Me: There are so many coffees to choose from, which one would you recommend?
    HB: I’m not really a coffee person, but I would recommend Caffe Latte.
    Me: Really? What does that consist of? (Even though I knew the answer, I buy it almost every morning, ha, ha).
    HB: It consists of bla, bla, bla. (She went into one).
    Me: Cool. So are you a tea or a coffee person?
    HB: I’m definately a tea person, totally.
    Me: The reason I asked is because I have a theory that people who tend to drink coffee are bouncy like puppies and people who tend to drink tea are calm like cats (God bless PUA Reflex, ha, ha, ha).
    HB: (Smiles) Really? That is interesting!
    Me: (Smiling back)There you go. Ok, I will try the Caffe Latte, but if I don’t happen to like it, I will hold you responsible.
    HB: Ha, ha, ha.

    Now the mistake I did here was I didn’t introduce myself, I just ordered my Caffe Latte and left, and I still kick myself today for not number closing. But on the other hand, I learnt that a coffee opener can take you far, and I now know how I would prolong it for next time. Have a great day PUA’s and spread the love.

  8. Yeap I agree. You gotta smile, even if its with your eyes or just your cheeks, approaching is easy, its the talking and not hovering around her like a fly do shit that is the hard part. Well not really, once you get it in your head that you can either be her friend or this nice guy of the day to start out with, its not like you can’t see her again, and again, to build report. Its like this girl who walks her german shepard, its much bigger than my dog, we started out by just pointing at eachothers dogs, a week later we started talking, a week later we started , but if you thinking oh I’ll just speak to her later, WTF do it now so that way you can move on quickly to get the next one, law of averages at play here, boost your average! However if you are more than likely not going to be able to ever see her again, DIG DEEP AND PUT IT IN BOYS! go up and speak to her, even if you do make a complete dick of yourself and stutter and stroke your face and pull your shirt or just go aw fuck it and and bolt away, you tried! and that lays at least one brick of your yellow brick road of females soon to be vulture-ing you! My friend started out by asking his own friends for their numbers! then he moved on to buying nicer shirts, now when he gets wasted and anyone says anything to him its instantly ‘oh whats your number! but don’t be a copycat with all this online material, grab it, flip it, evolve it like a pokemon!


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