Game Explained: How to get the Girl of your Dreams

My last two posts here emphasized just how important it is to be deprogrammed.  It’s time to now abandon scientific or structured game as well as “natural” game that really isn’t natural as much as just chaotic with no real instruction.  In it’s place I’d like everyone to learn social game.  Social game is based on the idea of being normal, stresses the importance of calibration, always includes a larger perspective of game (involving meta game, social circle game, and lifestyle), and stresses an important mindshift from being a pick up artist to simply a social artist.  I’d honestly have rather been ranked as “The Best New Social Artist” then “The Best New PUA” if given the choice…but oh well.

The very first step to my deprograming project is to first define what game actually is.  What I mean is what is the goal of game?  What are we trying to learn and accomplish? Many guys are confused on this and look to old school community teachings that mess them up.  They may look at game as manipulation, trying to prove your a high value guy, trying to lower a girls value or self esteem, being a bad boy, trying to impress the girl…the list goes on.  All of these are really bad mindsets to have and with them you’re bound to fail because you’re developing your game in the wrong way.  IMHO game is only three things and I’ll list them in the order of importance.

1. Likeability

To get the girl the most important thing by far and the first thing that needs to be accomplished is to be liked.  Whether it’s s*x or just having a conversation if the girl doesn’t like you why would she do anything with you?  Likeability comes from many things.  Connecting on mutual interests, adding value to the girl in some way (as opposed to demonstrating value which I’ll cover in a future post), being normal and well calibrated, building comfort with her in the form of trust and rapport, as well as the ability to be social (for example getting along with her friends or introducing her to people).  Being a likeable person in general is the single most important trait that you can improve on.

Now lets take a look at an old school community teaching that falls into this category and the exact problem it causes.  Being a high value guy would make us likeable.  There’s no doubt about this.  Then the question becomes how do we act high value?  Well having really interesting DHV stories for one, knowing cool magic tricks and routines would get people liking us, and of course doing things like cold reading and roleplaying are great.  However the community made a huge error here.  Instead of trying to be likeable they narrowed it to trying to be high value.  When you change the ultimate goal of anything it makes a HUGE difference.  Here are the main differences that this change has caused.

By focusing on being high value and demonstrating those traits they throw away other likeable traits because they don’t fit into the high value frame.  In addition since their ultimate goal is being high value and not likeable they used flawed logic to show why some likeable traits are bad for game when it’s actually the opposite.  The most obvious example of this would be basic manners and politeness.  Many community guys cringe when I say phrases like “excuse me”, “dont mean to bother you”, or “I don’t mean to be rude”.  However this is often simply good manners that make us more likeable.  This same high value logic will sometimes also make guys act weird (such as peacocking) or serious.  To be likeable it’s best to be normal and fun/playful.  Now it’s important not to think of being high value as bad.  If done right it DOES make us likeable.  Also things like roleplaying and games you can play in set can be great if done the right way.  The trick is to always keep in mind that being high value is just a way to be likeable not the goal itself.  If you’re ever doing something that raises your value but makes you less likeable then you’re doing something wrong.  Also keep in mind that the opposite of being likeable isn’t being hated, it’s indifference.  Sometimes it’s fun and useful to have challenging frames where the girl acts like she hates us or there’s teasing involved.  When this is done though it should always be obvious that the girl does actually like you though.

2. Persuasiveness

Once we are likeable the next step is to make sure we can be persuasive.  In every pick up we need to get compliance, need to lead the interaction, and need to generate attraction.  However persuasion is NOT manipulation.  Manipulation is trying to trick someone into doing something they don’t want to do or wouldn’t have liked.  Persuasion is getting someone to see things from your perspective and being convincing enough to have them make the choice themselves that falls in your favor.  The best book out there for this is Robert Cialdini’s book called “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.”  Here he lists 6 persuasion tactics being likeability (no shocker here), commitment, social proof, authority, reciprocation, and scarcity.  Also generating attraction falls under persuasion because we are persuading the girl to become attracted to us.  However many people go about this the wrong way, with the most common mistake being trying to impress.  This topic however warrants it’s own seperate post though.  Finally when it comes to attraction the goal that makes the most sense IMO comes from AFC Adam and that is to get investment from the girl.

3. Sexuality

You might wonder why I put this last since it seems like such an important topic.  There’s only one reason really.  Up until now you can game anyone and I mean just that…anyone.  From ugly girls and guys to children and old men, you’ll also always increase your skills by doing so.  The difference is game up till now only consists of likeability and persuasion, the only time we use sexuality is with a girl that we want.  The importance of sexuality is obvious, without it the interaction can never lead to s^x.  We have to show that we’ll be more then a friend, create arousal from the girl, and be comfortable being sexual and know how to properly sexually escalate. Often though the community either heavily shys away from this in order “to preserve value and not show interest” or else over compensates by stressing how important “sexual intent” is and making guys sleezy.  Simply just be comfortable being sexual and use calibration to know when are good times to show it.

For now try and see if you can format your normal game under these principles and under this order of importance.  This is the first step to being deprogrammed and everything I teach will either make you more likeable, persuasive, or sexual.  In future posts I’ll also be going over the difference between Value game and Investment game, The “trying to impress” mindset, the 3 levels of social skills and why most community guys don’t get results including how to immediately fix this, as well as much more including endless step by step comparisons of old style game to how I see it now.  As always I welcome all questions and comments.

Hope this helps,


(To read more about me visit my web page at and to contact me for any one on one work or bootcamps email me at

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  1. I think the trick in my opinion is to develop an abundance mindset. Once you achieve that, then you'll have 100% confidence in being yourself. The key to being likeable is what was said in the article… 'Indifference' If you can be yourself with any apologies and are willing to walk away. That in itself is all you need as it demonstrates independence and other qualities which was listed…

    Notice i didn't mention anything about giving value or anything else… The reason to that is because everyone that comes into the community to learn the skills is already a cool person with loads of value to give. So when they become calibrated, they won't need to fake it and will demonstrate it naturally. this is something i realised in my own journey…

    good article.

  2. i would like to know the good places to game at universities? For now the small parties are okay but they dont have the HBs (just HB 2 and 3s) that I know that are out there. For example there's a HB 4 (maybe 5 im not sure, still afc)who volenteers at a local library *a rare sight you think but its actually a great place to meet low HBs* (type of HBs that will fall to 1-2 routines in about 4 minutes)and shes hitting around 40 (38 i think) but i look at the age as a plus, she'll be experienced and thats always better than hoping your mate will hit your sweet spots.

    I'm reading everything that i can find and the summer is here and its a nice catch up on my material, but i dont want my afc*ness* ruin a good chance of getting to know this HB or other HBs.

    I email closed with the HB 4 and now am i was wondering since im volenteering now *to sarge the HB4* should i *try* to isolate from the library or is it safe to k or hopefully f*close at the library? any tips would be great and thank for the life changing post.

  3. dear psych,

    i understand your studying at University for PHD

    dont you find studying intrusive to your life because yours stuck studying? i can understand why people would study though?

    i may do a open university thing.

  4. im loving the cover photo for the new MPUAU5 dvd. the hair position and the eye make up looks super cool.

  5. babyface says:

    so please continue doing your clever tricks and indulge in your own intellectual vanity you bastard. everyone else can kiss your arse but id rather die.

  6. babyface says:

    my favourite is when PUA's try to be alpha towards mne and run these techniques as if it would make me suddenly want to kiss their feet. it wouldnt change anything and makes me think they are retarded not alpha for playing these 'clever' tricks.

  7. babyface says:

    to be honest people who play 'game' are rather annoying. like amongst themselves they may think they are really cool and got 'skills' but its obvious what they are doing. like running around in circles with all these little loops is just retarded and would only work on someone dumb enough to play with it.

    also theres no chance id be dumb enough to fall into any 'seductive' mental mindtraps so i dont see how a woman who isnt dumb would do the same.

  8. babyface says:

    i used to date this girl who was annoying and could never stop playing these games that sent us around in circles for eternity. how do i get around thinking im making progress when in fact nothing has genuinely progressed (except my annoyance levels obviously)

  9. Sneaker says:

    Hey man,
    Nice posts.
    I don't totally agree with the 3 qualities but absolutely loved your previous post about deprogramming yourself. I'm so happy I'm not full of routines and openers and can learn natural game to gain confidence in social situations. I'm committed to staying away from all the material and just getting used to interacting with women everywhere. My end goal? Being completely comfortable and confident with myself in any situation and always living in the moment…

    thanks mate, good stuff!

  10. the oracle says:

    'We walk in danger wherever we walk'

  11. I like this post. It resonates with some of my thoughts on the subject.

    The whole point of the game is to improve as a person, and one of the major components of this is improving our natural social skills.

  12. really good! waiting for the next ones

  13. Here is a better version. Take 2:

    Chat-up lines as male sexual displays

    Christopher Bale1, 2, Rory Morrison2 and Peter G. CarylCorresponding Author Contact Information, E-mail The Corresponding Author

    Department of Psychology, PPLS, University of Edinburgh, 7 George Square, Edinburgh EH8 9JZ, UK

    Received 14 March 2005;
    revised 19 July 2005;
    accepted 26 July 2005.
    Available online 19 October 2005.


    Chat-up lines, and other openings used to initiate a relationship with a woman, can be viewed as male displays. How well does their effectiveness accord with predictions from evolutionary psychology? 205 undergraduates (142 female, 63 male) rated 40 vignettes; in each vignette, a man approached a woman and the raters judged whether she would continue the conversation. Openings involving jokes, empty compliments and sexual references received poor ratings. Those revealing, e.g., helpfulness, generosity, athleticism, ‘culture’ and wealth, were highly rated. Although the length of the vignette—confounded here with item content—affected the rating, differences remained after the effects of length were eliminated. The success of openings which demonstrated culture was predicted from Miller’s (2000) ‘mating mind’ hypothesis; the success of others could be predicted from patterns of parental investment.

  14. Psych,

    I just found a great paper called "Chat-up lines as male sexual displays Chat-up lines as male sexual displays". You ought to check it out. Here is the abstract:

    Chat-up lines, and other openings used to initiate a relationship with a woman, can be viewed as male
    displays. How well does their effectiveness accord with predictions from evolutionary psychology? 205
    undergraduates (142 female, 63 male) rated 40 vignettes; in each vignette, a man approached a woman
    and the raters judged whether she would continue the conversation. Openings involving jokes, empty com-
    pliments and sexual references received poor ratings. Those revealing, e.g., helpfulness, generosity, athlet-

  15. Perfection says:

    Hi Psych ,what you wrote made a lot of sense to me ,it opened up my eyes.I think gaming girls in changing quite a lot ,it's not about peacocking any more it's all about being natural,which is a good thing.Thanks for the post ,please keep them coming .

  16. unknown1 says:

    one thing i noticed about kezia is that she is super unphased by awkwardness. thats what one needs one may argue….

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