How Confident Are You?

The 3 Cs of confidence

If you look in a book shop, you’ll find plenty of books on confidence. Lots of people read them, but when it comes to it, how many people are actually perceived as confident by women in a pick up situation? Let’s take that perspective. We all know that women want a confident guy. That wasn’t much help to me when I was growing up, I knew what they wanted but didn’t know how to give it to them. It needed it to be broken down in a little more detail. That’s what I’m going to do right now. We are going to look at this from the perspective of an attractive woman in a bar or night club.She’s looking around the room and she is making a judgement of whether the guys look confident or not. Who is she drawn to? Guys with good body language could be one answer. Guys who are attractive could be another. A better answer is: Guys who look confident. What determines if a guy looks confident in a night club. It’s very easy…he looks COMFORTABLE. That is why the first C of Confidence is….

Comfort in the Environment

It is impossible to look confident if you are uncomfortable and it is impossible to look unconfident if you are comfortable. Therefore there is 100% overlap.
Examples: It is impossible to look confident if you are uncomfortable and it is impossible to look unconfident if you are comfortable. Therefore there is 100% overlap. The barman, DJ, and bouncers and known to do very well with women. They are the most comfortable guys in the place because they are there every night and the environment can’t phase them anymore. Let’s get something clear – the barmen are not high status guys. The other guys in the club could be millionaire business men wearing $10,000 suits and buying bottles of Crystal. The barmen earn very low wages, and are not successful high status guys in any way. It’s purely that they look comfortable. There is no other secret to it.

How to get there: The pick up environment where you will normally show a lack of confidence at first glance is the club. People don’t often feel nervous when they are walking down the street or shopping. However, in a club, the pressure is so much more intense, and this is even more of a problem with high-end venues. What we need to do in this case is simple de-sensitisation. Pick a club and a day of the week and go there. Go with friends or on your own. Your mission is not to talk to anyone or do any gaming, but purely to become comfortable in the environment. Learn the layout, start to see familiar faces, you can even have some casual conversations with staff or people that are close by.

The key thing to do is to get comfortable and start treating the place like you do your own house. Sit or stand comfortably in a low-energy, chilled-out way or genuinely enjoy the music and move around without caring what others think or being too much “in your head”. Those are the only two modes of behaviour in the club. Nothing in between will look comfortable. If you are trying to look like you enjoy the music by tapping a foot out of rhythm or nodding your head because you think you should you won’t look right When you first go out, be very observant, notice the guys that look comfortable and the ones that don’t. See things from the woman’s point of view.By removing the pressure of the need to pick up or talk to women, you can start to enjoy the environment and create positive associations with it, rather than viewing it as a high-pressure place where you MUST game. Now that you have the first C of confidence, we can move on to the second…

…For the rest of this article, check it out on Bristollair here:

If you are ready to get killer game and be watching the very best techniques demonstrated right now, you need to check out my Best Deal Ever.  I literally give you the step by step methods to approach, escalate, and take  girl home, showing exactly what to do and exactly what to say.  Check it out here.

Master Trainer, CEO

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  1. will definately need to socialise now or my work will suffer.

    people who dont socialise hear voices and talk to themselves!!

  2. i had an interesting day at university.

    today i gained some enormous experience and insight into the human condition.

    being nice all the time isnt really that compelling no matter what one labels it.

    also i found it WAY more easier to be normal when i was out of my parents house oddly enough.

    now i need to find secure accomodation.

  3. Spot on, Richard.

    I coach large groups of people through workouts. It's no thing for me to roll out in front of 80 people I don't know and start putting them through their paces, because I'm used to it.

    But put me on a dance floor and I freeze up, 'cause I ain't used to it.

    Time to start getting desensitized!

    Rock on,

    ~ Luke

  4. yeah confidence means you fear almost nothing. and i feel better after reading this article.

  5. Hi, just wanted to give you my perception on confidence. confidence, i don't believe is to do with experience and surroundings etc. confidence is just a state of mind. you could be out in 5 clubs in a day and be fully confident but when next time you don't have your mind to it the same 5 clubs you'll feel really uncomfortable. i think if you just put yourself in a confident state of mind, you will feel confident. Gambler what's your take on that?

  6. Think sometimes you should learn not to erase nerves or fear but learn to carry on through it, rather than waiting to become confident untill you start approaching, because a change like that for some could be a large timely step, and prob have to approach load s till confidence comes, although def important to push one self. Also if all you have ever done is crack it when are confident and comfortable, what are you going to do when the oppotunity of life comes about (hb a million!) prob walk away as have never worked through nerves, whilst guy who knows fear will feel comfortable with that and pop her!

  7. Heres my take on the confidence issue. If you dont feel comfortable around women, it doesnt matter where you are, you still won’t be comfortable.. better to address specific issues with comfort around girls rather than trying to look comfortable in environments when you know you’re not. Rich mentions though later in the article that you need to deal with your own issues around girls by desensitization. Its a good way to overcome your confidence issues but many guys quit because its so scary, not to mention sometimes becoming LESS confidence because they learn so much info on openers, how to do this and that that it creates more pressure on them, separates the gap from where they are and where they want to be, and gives them sort of a “game-learning frame”, which can all make the same person less confident and more nervous around women. It did to me anyway.

    Those books about confidence don’t work because they try to address emotional issues with logic. Thats exactly why you can’t tell yourself to be comfortable and watch them suddently be comfortable. It doesnt happen that way. When you do that (say a positive affirmation), you might notice you are more UNcomfortable, because basically your negative beliefs surface as a response to the affirmation. THOSE are the things you have to overcome, those negative feelings attached to words (beliefs).
    But HOW???
    Three things work well – exposure/desensitization (will work, but will take a long time and might not be too effective for a lot of people because ppl subconsiouscly WANT to hold on to those bad feelings and therefore many guys will quit too soon, leaving them even more frustrated that before cuz now they have all this useless info which they think benefits them), Meditation/Presence building (allowing yourself to be with those bad feelings, accepting them, and then letting them go, being in your body), and IMO the most effective – EFT (accupressure which is done while concentrating on those bad feelings/negative beliefs which removes them completely). Magnus was one of the first to use this on himself for PUA stuff and im glad he did because I wouldnt have known of EFT without him.
    NLP is alright but not effective enough in my experience.. maybe I wasn’t doing it efficiently. But the truth is one person may have many many aspects (beliefs) which are stopping them from being their natural confident comfortable self, which need to be dealt with and can take a lot of time with NLP. With EFT its much quicker. And the great thing is when things such as dependence on EFT or doubts about it for whatever reason start arising, you tap on that as well. Many guys hide from their bad feelings and nervousness pretending they’re not there. The truth is they are there and women can feel them even if outer game is strong, and even if you convinced yourself of many positive affirmations but havent released the underlying bad feelings.

  8. Nice article Richard, I’m the same as Tom, I am not old enough to go out to clubs and pubs but anyway, for me this article is kinda cool but there are times where it seems alot to take in in terms of the article, blogs, ebooks, and hard copy books of PUA and seduction. But lately I have found your “1p” book, The Natural Art Of Seduction and to be honest I kinda enjoyed it, however like i said I cant do any action because of my age. But who cares because

    In college this really cute 20 year old brazilian girl in my GCSEs class really had it going, like every boy wanted to f%ck her behind the churchyard, one time she said how a man ran behind her and tapped her on her shoulder and told her that she was really cute and he wanted to take her out, remmber that this guy that just creeply approched her from behind was in his fourtees and she told me that she blowed him out. This brazialin is quite cocky because she knows that she is a close 8,9 but that didnt baffle me I followed some of your suggested pre-game things and a few of your openers.

    I recieve alot of IOI’s in the class but I just want you to help me out with what to do to close.

    thank you

    from Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


  9. Hi i read this article, i found it weird because, well frankly i am not old enough to go out to clubs pubs yet , but confidence comes from self esteem, i have a low self esteem and self value which effects my confidence. Confidence is the key but it just doesnt come from nowhere you got to build it up by loving yourself first, if you can look in a mirror and say to yourself id shag that . Then your a man, that cant be broken, these guys dont fear rejection and they dont give two hoots about what anyone thinks, they just live life and have all the women, there game could be poor but their confidence could still get a women, its funny and depressing, peace :)

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