You thought that she was the one, and she turned out to be the one that got away.
You try to be strong, but you can't stop thinking about your ex-girlfriend, even though you know you should move on. You might wonder how to get over your ex-girlfriend when you still have strong feelings for her?
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To get over your ex-girlfriend, you need to get honest about your relationship ending and forgive your ex and yourself for the role you played in your breakup. Shake up your routines and spend time with family and friends. Give yourself the space and time to heal.
While you are in emotional pain, it can really feel like you will never get over the girl you still love. However, with time and healing, you will be able to look back on your time spent together without hurt or pain. Here are some ways to mend your heart after a breakup and finally get over your ex-girlfriend.
Get Real About the Fact That It's Over
The first step to getting over your ex-girlfriend is to accept that the relationship is truly over. This may sound simple, but often you may find yourself indulging in a bit of denial.
Even though the good times of your failed relationship may play in your mind, you need to accept that the relationship failed for a reason. You should write down a list of the painful experiences you underwent during the relationship as a means to gain perspective.
Reflect on these moments and recall how you felt when they happened, as hard as it sounds. You will find when you let go of your idealized idea of your relationship; you will be closer to letting go of your ex.
Forgive and Forget
When you emotionally invest in a relationship, when the relationship fails, you lose a partner and take an emotional knock within yourself. Often you may feel angry and resentful regarding your partner, especially if they were the ones to decide to break up.
These feelings of anger are sometimes a defense from more painful feelings of loss and hopelessness, but in the long run, they harm you more. Holding on to anger and hurt only allows your partner to still exert negative control over your emotions and will stand in your way of moving on.
Ultimately forgiving your partner does not free them, but it frees you from holding on to negative emotions that will affect your moving on.
Don't make the same mistake as other guys and try to win her back.
Stop Blaming Yourself
Often you start asking questions like, what if I did things differently? Or what if I change to what she wanted me to be? You may feel that you could have done things differently, and may find yourself thinking of ways you could have saved your relationship.
Unfortunately, this type of thinking is not healthy. You can't change the past, and there is no way of knowing what you could have done to make the relationship last. Blaming yourself will only enhance the feeling of hurt you already have at losing someone you deeply cared for in your life.
Acknowledge your part in the breakup but view the experience positively as a way to improve yourself for future relationships. Give yourself a break, no one is perfect, but we can learn to change.
Take Some Time Out
Although many people want to continue having their exes as part of their lives, you should have a cooling down period before becoming friends. Often, this is not possible if children are involved, but ultimately you need to renegotiate your boundaries when it comes to your ex.
Disconnect from social media if you can. It is often tempting to check up on your ex to see what they are doing and feel like you are still part of their world. This behavior will only intensify your feelings of loss or even provoke you to anger if your ex-girlfriend begins dating someone new.
If your mutual friends often include your ex in their feeds, consider unfollowing them for a spell. After all, you can always refollow your ex and friends once you are stronger and you have healed.
Change Your Routines
If you continually bump into your ex at your old haunts, consider trying out to new places to hang out. Each time you see your ex, your feelings of loss may intensify, and you may be tempted to try and make up.
Longer relationships entail a certain mingling of identities, and it is not always easy to reestablish yourself on your own. At this stage, it may be a good idea to engage in something you enjoy that your ex wasn't keen on, such as sports or fishing.
Give Yourself Time
Losing a partner can sometimes feel much like having a loved one pass away. Your attachment to your partner runs deep and often mirrors your childhood bonding experiences with your parents.
Your identity becomes interwoven in your relationship, and often a breakup can bring up deeper emotions from your childhood, such as abandonment and betrayal.
Studies show that emotional pain after breakups has a neurological basis and stimulates parts of our brain responsible for reward motivation and dopamine release.
Strangely enough, these are the same areas of the brain involved with drug addiction and evoke similar feelings of painful withdrawal.
Feelings such as depression and a lack of joy in life can be part of your healing process from your breakup, and you shouldn't expect to recover overnight. Go easy on yourself. Don't put a time limit on your healing; give yourself the space and time to grieve.
Be Kind to Yourself
Although it's tempting to numb your feelings of pain, you should seriously consider staying away from alcohol or drugs when coping with a breakup. Instead of helping you, drugs can increase your feelings of hopelessness and depression and keep you from moving on with your life.
Look after your body and get proper sleep every night, although it may be hard at first. Often people react to the emotional stress of breakups by losing their appetite or overeating.
Exercise releases those endorphins that make you feel good and feel good about yourself and help you sleep. Clean living will help you process your emotions cleanly and not defer your pain to another time. Ultimately, it will help you move on more quickly.
Spend Time With Friends and Family
When we grieve alone, often, our feelings of despair may become intensified. Don't be afraid to ask your friends and family for their support during this difficult time. Often when we feel down, the company we keep can boost our feelings of well-being and give us a more level perspective.
Psychology has long been known as the 'talking cure' for a reason, and speaking about your feelings about breaking up can help you process the experience and move on. As a guy, you probably don't feel too great expressing your emotions, so choose a close friend or family member you trust and share your feelings with them.
Conclusion
She's gone, and she isn't going to come back, but that doesn't mean you're doomed to pine for her forever. Although you may still love and miss her, it will take time and effort to find your way through to being happy again.
Accept that there will be pain, and be kind to yourself. One day you will look back and understand it was all for the best, because you're with an even hotter girl.
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