How To Stop My Girlfriend From Dumping Me (Question From A Reader)

It can be stopped.

It can be stopped.

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Call it intuition… call it insecurity… call it what you will. When you begin feeling as though you’re about to get dumped by a girl you’ve been seeing for a while (and you really like her) this can cause nothing but thoughts of impending doom, that will shake your confidence and lead you into a mental decline very quickly.

The good news is that you can stop this from happening. The dumping that is. But first, you have to get an understanding of why you think you’re about to get dumped.

Before we get into that, let’s dive into the question.

Question from a reader

Hey Richard,

I need your help. I’ve been seeing my current girlfriend for just over 2 years now and I’m starting to have serious doubts about our relationship. I love the girl and don’t want to break up with her, but I can’t help but think she does. The reason why is because over the past 4 or 5 months since she started her new job, she’s become very distant and not as affectionate as she once was.

We’ve been living together for a year now and we still have sex (maybe 3 times a week), but it’s lost the passion. I can just see her going through the motions and not enjoying it. She never really initiates texts or calls me anymore and makes excuses to do things with me… I.e she’s tired, has a lot going on with work, needs to see her mum etc.

We used to go out and have fun drinking, going to the cinema, eating out with friends etc. But now, nothing. It’s work… come home… look miserable… say how stressed she is and then go to bed after some food.

Like I said, I’m still love her and want to be with her, but I’m just not getting anything back from her and can’t help but think the worst.

How can I stop her from dumping me?

Clive
London, UK

My advice on how to deal with the situation

So there are several things here that peak my interest and I’d like to get to the bottom of, so I’d start asking some serious questions like:

1. Have you spoken to her about her job… does she like it?

If her job is really stressful then it will have an impact on your relationship. It’s nothing to do with you, but it’s your job to make it seem as though you’re an awesome boyfriend because you want her to feel comfortable and stress free when she gets home.

Cook her a nice meal once in a while, do some house chores she’s been meaning to do, run her a bath before she gets home… just make her life a little easier (occasionally) so she sees you in a good light and can’t direct any bad feelings of stress or anxiety towards you.

2. Does she mention people from work? (fishing for a possible cheater here)

There’s always a chance she could be cheating or thinking about cheating. I’m just saying. So you need to keep an ear out for what she says regarding her office buddies. Things like “Yeah charlie at work does that, he’s really funny” or “I was out with some colleagues from work, I was with Charlie most of the night”. This is probably not the case, but it’s worth a thought.

3. Was there anything specific you have done to annoy her?

Think hard about what you’ve done since you started noticing a change in her. Did you do something major to annoy her that she simply can’t get over? If there is then you need to rectify the situation and make it right, otherwise her grudge will turn into a breakup over time.

4. What does your current day look like? (Need to see if you’re a boring dude)

If you run the same patterns every day, then this will become boring over time and she will respond in a frustrated way. Keep a track of how you act and what you do during the day and when you see her. If it’s something like this… (Come home from work – make a ready meal – watch TV – go to bed) then you suck. It’s time to get some hobbies.

5. Does she reject everything you try and offer? (Date nights, adventurous sex, weekends away etc)

If she’s rejecting everything, then this is a bad sign and you need to take drastic measures. But if she’s only rejecting a few things, like sex or date nights, then it’s because you’re not putting enough thought into them. Learn some new sex moves and try them out. Plan a date weekend away in a city nearby with some planned attractions you can visit, keep it a surprise.

6. What’s it like from her perspective? How does she see you?

Try and understand what it’s like from her side of things. Is she seeing a guy who’s stuck in the past that she was once attracted to but isn’t any longer? Is she stressed at work? Is she having family problems? There are multiple variables in a relationship, so you need to see both sides before worrying about her dumping you. Could just be a temporary thing.

7. How do you look physically? Are you turning into a slob?

It’s important to stay on top of your fitness game. Looking and feeling good will not only boost your confidence, it will also make her want you more. There’s nothing less attractive than a guy that slobs out in a relationship, because he feels that he doesn’t need to impress anyone anymore.

8. Whats your money situation like?

If she’s earning more than you, then this could be one of the reasons that she’s losing attraction for you. As a man, you need to assume the dominant role. This means you need to get your money up son! It’s emasculating when she’s earning more than you and carrying you through life.

The reason I ask these questions is because women are emotional creatures, they require MENTAL stimulation a lot more than men do. Yes they also need a lot of physical stimulation, but if the mental aspect isn’t there, then you won’t be exciting them in the bedroom.

It seems as though your girlfriend has grown a little tired of you BUT not because you’re boring (maybe) but because she is focusing on another area of her life… her job.

Lastly it’s incredibly important that you don’t panic right now. Don’t tell her how you feel and don’t start acting like a needy little bitch, because the situation will get worse and you’ll end up  pushing her away. Stay positive, keep looking forward and follow my advice.

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