One Of The MOST Important Relationship Lessons You Will Ever Learn

I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot recently, in fact I’ve kind of been thinking about it for the past few years after realising that I had made this mistake with a really great girl. My actions thereafter meant that I had learnt my lesson and would never do it again, however it’s only in the last few months that I have really broke it down into its fundamentals. Time to share it.

When you really like someone you will do anything to get them. Once you do get them you will do anything you can to keep them. In the case of something longer term, their happiness becomes paramount to you and at all costs you will endeavour to keep them happy.

I’m not talking about letting her have the last piece of chocolate. What I’m talking about is that every time you push yourself beyond your better judgement in an attempt to please her, you are really pushing her further away from you.

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Losing her respect

Every time you cancel on a friend because of her, buy her something after an argument or agree that something she is doing is right when in reality it’s wrong; part of you starts to resent her and you lose respect for yourself, and part of her starts to lose respect for you…and faith in you. If you are going to go against your better judgement, regardless of the reason why, then she cannot fully trust you or feel safe with you.

The ultimate result is a concoction of irony and paradoxes that used to put the most nauseating feeling my AFC stomach. Her lack of respect for you, even though you are doing everything to please her, culminates in a lack of confidence in you which leads to her not trusting you.

You have it even worse. Not only does she not trust you, but as you have done everything you can to please her, you not only resent her for not trusting you, but you resent yourself because you think back to all the times you went beyond your better judgement.

When the relationship or interaction ends, the more you compromised of yourself the worse you will feel. Trust me, five years ago I felt pretty damn awful!!

SO… what do you do?

Well for a start what you probably will do is go way too far the other side and act like a complete uncompromising prick!! Not ideal but it’s better than being a sap. If you want to go through this phase yourself then that’s fine. If not then here is what to do in order to not be any end of the extreme;

The way to avoid this mistake is to live your life as you want to… and hopefully do. She can either then choose that she does not want to come along for the ride, or that she does. When she chooses not to, you must let it be. The minute you start to try and get her to stay you are beginning to compromise… and we know where that road leads.

Sometimes in order to not devalue yourself, you have to be able to let even the hottest of women go. Another irony us that the first time you do this you may feel a little sting, but overall you will feel great. She has not walked away. You have let her go because she would not agree to your terms.

Phil Ivey, one of the greatest professional poker players alive, said that if you can’t take a $100 bill out of your wallet and burn it you will never make it in poker. The same applies. You cannot value girls so much that you are not willing to lose them.

It’s your ride… not hers

If she does choose to come along then you can start to open up. Remember that without compromise you cannot have a relationship. BUT you need to fully independent before you can be interdependent.

Live life by your rules and your ideals, have enough confidence and conviction in yourself to know that the path you are leading is the right one; it often is. When the girl see’s this her initial reaction may be to change you into walking the path that she wants.

This is just an illusion that you have though. Most girls wants an alpha male to sweep her off her feet and walk with him down his path! He who walks his own path wins. Those that end up following someone else down their path often end up lost, wishing they had walked their own way. I spent years retracing my steps back to my own path… and I’m really liking where it’s leading me!

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