The Mind: 2 Cutting-Edge Ways to Generate Attraction for the Intelligent Man

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This is a guest post by Colin at Dating Coach Singapore. If you’d like to learn more about navigating social relationships, then head over to http://datingcoachsingapore.com.

I always espouse a top-down approach when it comes to learning how to generate attraction from women. Today, I’m going to take you away from the gimmicks, tricks and little gambits that you probably are already familiar with. I’m going to talk about two ways in which we can harness our knowledge of the human mind, and revolutionise the way we approach being attractive.

There really is no better way to embrace the top-down approach to attraction, than to make use of the mind. After all, the mind controls everything. Thoughts, actions, behaviours and reactions all would not exist without the mind. Conquer, the mind, and you have conquered the art of making a woman feel attraction for you.

Your Mind: Using it to Display High-Value (The First Way)

Displaying a high-value, is the cornerstone of attraction generation. Women, are attracted to men of high-value. When we talk about high-value, we’re really talking about the survival and replication value of a man.

We are looking through the lens of Evolutionary Psychology. A field which focuses on psychological adaptations that are designed for analyzing, often on a subconscious level, information about survival and reproductive success in human evolutionary history.

Simply put, if we accept the models and research that the field of Evolutionary Psychology has put forward, than we accept that a woman is psychologically predisposed to be attracted to certain things, that cue her into knowing that a man has a high survival and replication value.

Aesthetic judgements in terms of sexual attraction are sometimes sex-specific. Women highly value resources and status in a potential mate, while’s men value physical attractiveness and youth more (Symons 1979).

There are two take-aways from this.

  1. You need to have develop as high a value as possible.
  2. You need to display it externally.

Thats what we’re going to talk about first. How to achieve both and use them in conjunction with one another to be attractive. Here are the top things we can do to get us there.

Harness the Power of the Mind

When I talk about harnessing the power of the mind, i’m talking about it with regards to improving body-language and behaviour. Things that will outwardly cue women into ascerning who you are and what you’re capable of. Things that will flip attraction switches in a woman.

The worst possible way to become a more attractive person, is to micromanage your body-language, facial expressions and behaviour. It is the way a lot of books focus on, but it isn’t the best way to go about it.

This type of bottom-up approach works, but it isn’t as fruitful as taking a more holistic one. The results you get from micro-managing behaviour and actions doesn’t commensurate with the amount of effort you have to put in.

The effort required to force yourself to smile at certain times. The effort required to control your eye-contact, worry about your posture and where you place your hands etc …. It isn’t at all proportional to the reward you get from doing so. In fact, it is downright difficult and sometimes impossible.

Conversely, if you take a more holistic approach. Work on building confidence, work on being less affected and striving to be a more socially apt person, the results you will get in terms of what you display, is going to be more than proportionally when measured against the effort you put in. It will really give you the biggest bang for your buck.

Take-away: Always focus on self-development 

Trick the Mind into State

Sometimes, self-development isn’t everything. Yes, you should always start with that, but understand, that things like confidence, and other inner-traits work on a range.

Some days you feel better about yourself. Other days, you just don’t feel that great. Your base level of inner-confidence hasn’t changed much, but our perception of ourselves fluctuates on occasion.

The key, is to always be capable of improving that perception of yourself. You may even like to look at it as temporarily upping your confidence level. Whatever it is, you need to at least have some control over the mind-set, over the frame that you’re in.

There are many different techniques and things you can do to get a little bit of “instant confidence”. Tips and tricks to temporarily boost the state of mind you’re in. Find out what works for you and stick with it. But if you don’t have time to do any research, here are my 5 top tips for that “instant confidence”.

My 4-Step Plan to Instant Confidence

1. Wash & Clean Up

Before you go out, before you do anything. Stop right there! I want you to go home, take a long hot shower, clean every crevice on your body, wash your hair and scrub down. Clip your nails, give yourself a shave, put on some deodorant and then LIGHTLY apply some cologne. If you have stray eyebrow hairs, or any other stray hairs, please don’t hesitate to pluck them. Going for a full eye-brow wax is for women, plucking an unruly hair that looks like it belongs on your head, is not.

People think looking like a million dollars, cost that much. A nice long shower and some attention to detail can make a huge difference to how you feel about yourself. The last thing you want to worry about, is if you smell bad, or whether she’s going to notice that bit of grime under your nails, and trust me, woman ALWAYS notice nails.

2. Dress to Kill

Dressing well can be an instant confidence booster. Theres nothing sexier than a man with a well-fitted suit, or a pair of nice leather boots. People’s perception of you depends so much on what they initially see, and more importantly, your own perception of yourself can be affected by what you see in the mirror.

3. Kill Limiting Beliefs

Focusing on consciously stopping any sort of self-limiting beliefs in its tracks can do wonders. Every time you think to yourself, “she won’t like me”, or “they think I’m weird”, or anything else along those lines. Consciously put an end to those thoughts. You need to put your foot down and gain some damn control over your own thoughts.

NO means NO. From now on, the second a bad thoughts inches its way into your conscious, you deal with it. Put it down straightaway and move on. This isn’t about boosting confidence, but about preventing the confidence drain that comes with limiting beliefs.

4. Repeat Self-Propelling Thoughts

While’s negative thoughts are confidence drainers, positive self-propelling thoughts are confidence boosters. Affirm yourself on what your strengths are, remind yourself of the fact that confidence is highly valued, and can be almost created out of nothing. Its a vicious cycle, that can either work in your favour, or against you.

Much like the paradox of the chicken and the egg, being confident and generating attraction is something that quite a few people think about. Are you confident first before people feel attraction for you? Or are people attracted to you thats why you feel confident?

I never leave my fate in the hands of others. You shouldn’t either. Especially since confidence can be literally be boosted in such a short time and with low effort.
The next time you go out for a night on the town, repeat to yourself, “I am too charming. I can handle anything. I am me and absolutely proud of that.” Focus on the positives and negate the negatives.

Take-away: Use My 4-Step Plan & Make it Habit

Make Use of Positive Reinforcement on Self-Perception

Choose your battles.

A bad interaction, a bad situation, a bad day, will negatively reinforce a bad perception of yourself. Some people think totally putting themselves out there and challenging themselves is key. It is. But you need to work smart. 

Whilst challenges are good in general, you need to balance challenging yourself to spur self-development and improvement, and by-products of interaction like self-perception, and how you perceive other people see you.

Challenge yourself too little and you don’t grow. Over-reach too often, and those failures might negatively affect your psyche. 

I advocate taking small steps. If you want to challenge yourself, go ahead. Put yourself in situations where you can just about handle. Don’t throw yourself in the deep end because you might be afraid of water for the rest of your life after that.

If you aren’t great at small talk, don’t go on that dinner date with 3 girls you just met. If you are thinking about approaching a woman in a bar, don’t force yourself to go straight for Heidi Klum. 

You want to win the war, not just the battle. Take your time and improve slowly, and the nature of positive reinforcement will work to your advantage. With each success, you gain more confidence and it carries on into the next social endeavour you take on.

Visualise Positive Experiences

Remember that time you had an amazing night out? Or that time you gave a speech in front of a huge crowd and got a standing ovation? How does it feel when you think about it? If you are like most people, rehashing and visualising experiences generates emotions.

Focus on these moments and harness those emotions to increase your self-perception of yourself. Let your past wins create your next win. Allow past positive experiences to become a continuous generator of positive emotion and a constant source of self-affirmation.

  • Take-away: Choose your Battles Wisely
  • 
Take-away: Visualise positive experiences

Conclusion


So thats it for this post. Lets summarize the points.

  • Always Focus on Self-Development
  • Use My 4-Step Plan for Instant Confidence
  • Choose your Battles Wisely
  • Visualise Positive Experiences

Good-luck,
~ Colin.

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