Want a rock star lifestyle? Nope, me neither.

Hey guys

A lot of the pick up world seems to focus on getting rock star lifestyle. Rocking up to some high end club with 20 girls in tow, sitting at a private table, drinking champagne and having an after party until the wee hours at some penthouse apartment.

This sounds lovely, but I have found that a lot of men, including myself, have absolutely no desire to live this kind of lifestyle.

So what happens to us regular dudes who just want to meet a nice girl and have a relationship? Are we boring? If so will learning game help or hinder our success with finding a girl whom we are compatible with?

The first question to ask yourself is what do you want? Some guys do want to go out and live the rock star life, and that is cool. Learning game is certainly going to help you to achieve this to some degree.

I however take a different take on this. I don’t really like clubs, I don’t drink, I don’t like people who go to clubs, I don’t like staying out that late and I like to get up the next day and do things rather than feel like crap. I like more boring activities such as exploring London, spending time with friends, going to gigs and events, organising seminars and workshops, drinking nice coffee and eating out. Hardly rock ‘n’ roll, but I like it.

If you have recently got into game and are now thinking that you have to go out to bars and clubs to meet people, then rest assured that this is not the case. If you are looking to kiss and f close girls, then yes going out to these types of venues are your best bet. But if you are looking for a relationship, then I advise using the skills you learn in game and putting them to use in other places.

One thing you can not avoid is going out and talking to people. You do not learn social skills and game by sitting and home and reading articles like this. You learn it by going out and being with people, the right sort of people. I truly believe that inner game and confidence is built upon success rather than this weird notion that we have to go out and fail 99%. I don’t like failing at things and I try to avoid it when possible. I like to plan things then put them into action.

If you are looking to make a genuine connection with a girl then you are going to have patience. Love at first sight is very rare, instead love usually takes a while to develop through spending time with someone. I have found that the vast majority of people I know in relationships met their partners in one of 4 ways. Those ways of meeting were; educational facility (school, university, college etc), social circle (friends or friends of friends), at work or through a shared hobby or passion. I don’t know many people in relationships who met their partner in a bar or club.

If you are not in education, have exhausted your social circle and there is no one at work that suits you, then you need to look at taking up some new interests and hobbies. If you continue to spend your time with the same people then you are not likely to get any different results. You need to look at what you are doing, the results it is getting you and how you can make changes.

I worked with a client a few months ago who wanted to get back into a relationship. He is a rather quite guy, works in finance and enjoys nothing more than long country walks and cooking. He was rather disheartened with his pick up results as he was meeting loud and obnoxious women who weren’t his type. To be fair he was going to dingy crap clubs and meeting very drunk women. He doesn’t like clubbing, he should never have been in that environment.

When it comes to meeting people you are likely to have a connection with, you need to focus your efforts. My favourite resource is www.meetup.com. There are other similar websites such as City Socialising and Spice. These sites are like portals, a place where you can meet people with similar interests. You can also read your weekly entertainment listings as well as checking online directories.

My best advice is to get known within some sort of scene instead of just going to general events. One guy emailed me last week to say he is going out 4 times a week but unable to build a solid social circle. He is going to singles events and after work drinks type of stuff, so there is not much substance to hold the group together. To get the best results you need to think about a scene or something more substantial to get interested and involved in.

What is important is that whatever you decide to do, you should be doing it through interest and not just to meet women. If you current go to places you don’t really enjoy just to meet girls, than this will shine through. Guys who go to salsa classes are a classic example of this. If you have a genuine interest in something then this will shine through and real and genuine connections can be made, not only with potential partners but new guy friends too.

Some great activities that I have found to work really well with guys who I have monitored over the years include;

Classes and courses. Everything from learning a new language to self development seminars.

Arts and crafts. Taking up photography, painting, dancing and other creative activities.

Music. Either playing an instrument or going to see gigs. People bond effortlessly over music especially when it is a love of the same kind e.g. ska, rap, acoustic etc. The more niche the better.

Charity/volunteer work. Getting involved with some sort of charity activity or event. Sponsored runs and events always bring people together.

Sport. Getting involved with a sport or outdoor pursuit helps to unite people.

If you are not a fan of bars and clubs then I advise to stay out of them. Focus your attention on meeting people in places where you are going to have a real reason to talk and let the connection form more naturally over a longer period of time.

Please remember, you meet very few people at home. The girls and the life you desire are not going to come and find you.

Matt Kendall (hypnomatt)

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  1. @yes

    I am very screwed-up myself, here’s a stream of acronyms that describe my prevailing disorders: ADHD-PI, AvPD, PAS, OCD. PAS and AvPD (parental alienation syndrome and avoidant personality disorder) are by far the most crippling disorders for the pursuit of any social attachments let alone intimate ones. Statistically my parents’ divorce occured at the absolute worst time in a child’s life: the 10-12 year age window. I also went to a religious post-secondary college and allowed delusion (about others’ Christian status) to mislead me and in my final year I kept telling myself that a completely psychotic and narcissistic “Christian” was really a good person and that the animosity between us must have been my fault. Her friends even talked badly behind her back, how did I not see this? I did not want to, clinging to “Christian goodness” was a control-mechanism for me coming out of a very toxic household.

    The cruel reality is that there was a critical window of opportunity to respond correctly to certain traumatic experiences when I was younger and more impressionable. Now the memories are repressed and almost impossible to confront simply because there’s a gaping black-hole in my memory where that trauma used to be. It’s a slippery risky process of numerous trial and error to isolate those memories and I have spent nearly two decades and have made very little progress. I did, however, sort-out a number of other issues in my life that carried-over from my toxic dysfunctional family. So my life is now drama-free, stable, economically affluent, and I can even entertain a group of people for dinner provided it doesn’t get too intimate.

    I still suffer from people-pleasing disease to a certain degree. I can tell a perfect stranger to go F himself, but with friends I really struggle. It is wrought out of a deeply-rooted belief that I am not likable and that is actually rooted in the trauma that I cannot isolate. I know this because when I ask “Why?” to the irrational assertion of “It’s all my fault!” it’s the past pain that comes-up, but from where? I would be thrilled if professional help could shed some light on the subject but I’m afraid all my counselors tell me the same thing: I have to fight some battles on my own, and isolating the past trauma so that I can confront it and then release it is one of those battles that I am losing.

    Rationally speaking, it’s quite possible to turn this around using techniques such as NLP, but what nobody likes to talk about is that it may actually take many many many years and in fact take more years than I have left.

    I’ve thus simplified my goals and values to include only those things that bring the most happiness and harmony and avoid those things that ignite my triggers. So far this amounts to very long expeditions in the mountains with buddies.

    Ironically, I took a meaning and purpose for my life that I am very passionate about and I manage to maintain this mutually with my obvious negativity by way of Orwellian doublethink. As long as I avoid the triggers, I can lead a pretty normal life and even be happy at times. Unfortunately, women are adept at spotting my crutch from a mile away and they will have nothing to do with me. I have accepted this. Contemporary women have bought the Hollywood myth that limerence comes before love, it’s not surprising in a culture that prioritizes comfort and convenience so highly. It’s not surprising in an affluent and successful culture that has now grown very bored of itself.

  2. One more thing to the author.

    I think it would be beneficial for both your credibility and for your readers to set some boundaries in terms of what you can help and what you cannot help. Some inner-game issues require professional therapists and it is easy to assume that PUA-training can address all these issues simply because there are no clear lines in terms of inner-game issues. Some of these inner-game issues involve a combination of neurological and neurochemical disorders that mandate the use of drugs in combination with cognitive behavior therapy. I don't know your credentials but I would guess this is beyond the scope of your services.

    You might, however, consider making referrals to specialists in your own network. That might turn-out to be very constructive.

  3. What is the point of a relationship? What is the point of love?

    Everything I am learning lately says this: You have to earn love, only your mother loves you unconditionally.

    If that's the case then love is worthless. I can earn a living and actually go places. Why spend time and energy earning something that doesn't feed, clothe or house you? It's irrational and stupid.

    I feel like I'm the only individual left on the planet who realizes that sensational experiences amount to nothing. Science and reason is far more important and conducive to a better future for mankind, not this song and dance of attraction and tension based on volatile and unreliable neurochemistry we call limerence.

    I support arranged marriages I've decided.

  4. Ive been practising game, attended bootcamps, had ALOT of therapy for over 4 years and nothing has produced substantial results in terms of quality of life improvement. Im still unhappy and do not enjoy life.

    This supports my theory that the only people that get helped by Game or NLP are people who arent that messed up in the first place but make up a poetic story of how ‘bad’ they were. Or people who make up an issue they dont really have and have that resolved in quick NLP sessions. People who are gullible enough to be guided into a state were they believe they are ‘cured’ of their pseudo-issue.

    I went to an NLP guy and all we did were ridiculous visualisations exercises. After an exercise he had a look on his face as if to expect to me to say ‘OMG Im CURED’ I was like O_O wtf…

    Tony Robbins is probably the only guy who seems to know what he is doing and even his case studies are a bit questionable.

    Milton Erickson was probably the best one with his case study of Harold, but you could say that all Harold needed was a buddy to guide him along and maybe he mightve gotten happier in the first place.

  5. But what if youre being tortured by the illuminati. and everyone youve gone for help has done like nothing to help.

  6. I have auditioned to be on Gene's show and seen him in Beverly Hills..:-) True stories..Yes, you have to find what interests you…I have become re-introduced to Tibetan Buddhism, for example !

  7. IS from http://www.h says:

    Hello This is IS from http://www.howcanigetgirls.com and i must to thank you for this post.

    When i was starting with reading Richard, his book, watching all pua training videos, the stealth attraction, the natural game, reading and watching all about kezia noble and her 15 steps to becoming a master seducer, one of the things i get confused is.. about that life style.

    What do you really want? A 20´s girls around you, begging for your attention, for you money, your sex?…

    At first when i started i didn´t know what to expect, and what to focus on, but right now i know what i want.

    I dont wanna a rock star life, because i dont like rock :) But i like to know beautifull girls, and spare time with them her bodies, and her minds. Doesn´t matter if you are a 50 years old man with big stomach, first decide what do you want in your life and go for it.

    Read all about puatraining, go to their bootcamps and watch their videos, they are doing the right things.

  8. AlphaWolf says:

    That's Gene Simmons in the picture right? I dance salsa and I have met a lot of girls there. However you have to be good and get to a certain level of skill before that.

  9. Juan marco says:

    I think the most important piece to have a good game in the field is the control,confidence and poise you can carry on with you before going out. There are big gurus in the field who talk about that but never give you the real secrets to master it. All the routines and techniques are just an add-on to that.

    Juan Marco http://www.internationalseductionstore.com

  10. Michael says:

    A good inner thought to carry with oneself is the idea that 'everything is perfect as it is' even if it doesnt appear to seem so. Life is short and there is only so much we can do. Most normal people go through life not really thinking much of their existence. Then just let things flow.

  11. Michael says:

    Also women have more choice. You;d have to be someone that offers her something special. Unless your an ultra alpha male with a 9 inch penis I think generally women are the one who choose when they have sex and who their partner would be.

    Also if women are seen as too easy they would be branded as sluts and most seem weary of receiving that branding from her social circle.

  12. Michael says:

    I swear gaming is 10X more complicated than some people make it seem.

    Some times I think people are just born with it and seem to flow into closes more easily than other people.

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