282

Dirty Pick Up Lines


Are you feeling brave?


Using a dirty pick up line in some situations may be seen as rude to some people (especially women, if you say it wrong) so use them with caution.

A bad one-liner is designed to do one thing. Get a reaction. Shock, laughter, running away... it doesn't matter. The aim is to force the other person to respond.

You have been warned!

Illustration of a condom.

What's in this Guide

Chapter 4

What are Dirty Pick up Lines?


Known also as "bad pick up lines", these conversation starters are perfect for situations when you want to turn up the flintiness and make things sexual.

They can be used in-person, or via text... it doesn't really matter.

The aim is to take that friendly chit chat to the next level and put the thought of sex in the recipients mind.

They can work perfectly on the right person and they can work terribly.

Use with caution!

282 Dirty Pick up Lines

Here they are, the ultimate list of bad or dirty pick up lines, that will take any conversation and turn it into a sexual one. Start with the more timid one-liners first and then move onto the more advanced ones.

Are you a drill sergeant? Because my privates are standing to attention soldier.

I'm a keen bird watcher, and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?

Are you the lottery lady on TV? Because I'm seeing you vividly holding up my balls.

Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.

Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

Let me guess your favourite position: anything that involves my balls bouncing against your ass.

So you're not into casual sex? Fine, I'll put on a tux, and we can call it formal sex.

I'm just like a pore strip. Hard to get off, but extremely satisfied once you do.

Your face is like a wrench, every time I look at it, my balls tighten up.

You should definitely join the circus. [She'll say why?] Well, so you can learn to juggle balls all day.

Yeah, it's big, and if you pet it, it gets aggressive, oh and it spits ;)

I'm against animal cruelty. Please don't hurt my monkey, stroke it gently.

If God made anything more beautiful than you, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?

There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.

Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control because I just saw a fox!

If I had a penny for every time I thought of you, I'd have exactly one cent, because you never leave my mind.

Hey... somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

Is your name Dwayne Johnson? Because you Rock my world!

If I were a transplant surgeon, I'd give you my heart.

What's on the menu? Me-n-U

If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.

You don't need keys to drive me crazy.

My lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?

Is your last name Campbell? Cause you're "mmmm... good!

You’re so cute, it’s distracting!

Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.

I have had a horrible day, and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

If I could reach out and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.

Is your name Winter? [she'll look perplexed at this point] Because you'll be coming soon.

One of my good buddies told me girls hate oral, can help me prove him wrong?

Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of semen waiting for you. [follow up with Arghhhhh].

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours please?

Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.

Call me leaves, because you should be blowing me.

The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.

I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari.

Don't ever change. Just get naked.

You're so hot even my zipper is falling for you.

Great dress. I'm sorry I'll have to rip it apart.

Treat me like a pirate and give me that booty.

My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Wanna go back to my place and save me?

Some men go around telling women they have an eight-inch penis, but I'd never shortchange myself like that.

You're just like a wine tasting. They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing.

I'll be Burger King, and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your booty is calling me.

I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.

I'm lonely, can you keep me company tonight at my place?

I am leaving this place. Want to come?

What do you like for breakfast?

My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?

I could've called heaven and asked for an angel, but I was hoping you're a little slut instead.

Your clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

I hope you like dragons because I'll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.

Let me insert my plug into your socket, and we can generate some electricity.

That's a beautiful smile, but it'd look even better if it was all you were wearing.

You know what I like in a girl? [pause and look at her right in the eyes] My dick.

Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later.

I would tell you a joke about my penis, but it's too long.

Can you tell me what time your legs open, please?

Do you like cherries? If not, can I have yours?

I hope you're a plumber because you've got my pipe leaking.

Sit on my face, and I'll eat my way to your heart.

Am I on an episode of Fixer Upper? Because I've never seen hardwood like that in real life.

I think my allergies are acting up. Because every time you're around, my dick swells up.

I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down.

Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.

What time do you get off? Can I watch?

Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?

I lost my blankie. Will you be one for me tonight?

Do you like to draw? Because I put the D in Raw.

The FBI is afterme and wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you for a while?

Do you believe in karma? Because I know some excellent karma-sutra positions.

Hi, I'm very wasted, but this condom in my pocket doesn't have to be.

Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie. I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.

You can call me cake if you want because I'm going straight to your ass.

Why pay for a bra when I would gladly hold your boobies up all day for free?

I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What do you say we go upstairs and work out a remedy?

I don't wanna have babies with you, but I'd be up for refining my baby-making technique with you.

Woah, are you capable of doing telekinesis? Because you just made a part of me move without even touching it. [Wink at her in a jokey way].

Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my dick.

Do you work at Home Depot? Because you're giving me wood.

Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.

Are you hungry? Because omelette you suck this dick.

Let us let only latex stand between our love.

Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.

If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?

Are you related to Dracula? Because you looked a little thirsty when you were looking at me.

Are you a supermarket sample? Because I wanna taste you again and again without any sense of shame.

Let's go to my place and do some math. Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

If I was a robot and you were one too if I lost a bolt, would you give me a screw?

I'm easy. Are you?

What are you doing tonight? Besides me, of course?

Turning off the lights is one of my turn on's.

Your boobs remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them.

Was your daddy a baker? Because you've got a lovely set of buns.

Do you know your ABC's? Because I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.

Are you flappy bird? Because I could tap you all night. (Worked really well when the game was on fire, and everyone was playing it, now maybe not so much.

Did you grow up on a chicken farm by any chance? Because you sure know how to raise a cock young lady.

Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger.

Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?

Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.

Do you want to commit a sin for your next confessional?

Someone vacuum my lap, I think this pretty lady needs a clean place to sit.

Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out.

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

I'll show you my tan lines if you show me yours.

Bet I can touch your belly button… from the inside.

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

You have been very naughty. Go to my room!

Do you know why they call me the cat whisperer? Because I know precisely what your pussy needs.

I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?

You have some beautiful jewellery. It would look great on my nightstand.

Would you like a hot dog to go with those buns?

Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.

Are you married? If not, I'd like to marry you for one night.

I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.

Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them.

My couch pulls out, but I don't.

My magical watch says you're not wearing any panties? Oh, you are? Darn, it must be an hour fast.

How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?

I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And also the ones on your face.

Want to see if you can add "has an awesome gag reflex" to your resume?

If I'm a pain in your ass… We can just add more lubricant.

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Quickly, let's go. I just popped a Viagra. So we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.

I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.

Are you a cowgirl? Because I can see you riding me.

Are you my new boss? Because you just gave me a raise.

Do you have pet insurance? Because your pussy's getting smashed tonight.

I'll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.

I like my coffee how I like my woman… creamed.

I'm a mindreader, and yes, I will sleep with you.

I'm a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?

If I was a watermelon, would you spit my seed?

You're on my list of things to do tonight.

The word for tonight is "legs". Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

Baby, I last longer than a white crayon.

Sweet beach balls, can I play?

I don't drive a car, but I'd like to walk you home.

Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.

Baby, I like to wear you like a pair of sunglasses, one leg over each ear.

Let's play Titanic, when I say iceberg, you go down.

You look so good, I wanna kiss your lips and move up to your bellybutton.

Want to go halves on a baby?

Are you a sprinkler? Because you're making me wet.

I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

Do you have any Italian/Spanish/Irish [insert any nationality based on what the girl looks like] in you? [Her: Erm, no] Oh ok, would you like some?

You should sell hotdogs because you already know how to make a wiener stand.

I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room and help me test all my condoms?

They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?

You're like my pinky toe, I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.

Let's play a game. First, sit on my face, I will guess your weight, and then I will eat the difference.

Baby, I'm like a firefighter, I find 'em hot and leave 'em wet!

Do you go to church often? Cause you're gonna be on your knees tonight.

You can call me cake, cause I'll go straight to your butt.

Let's play a game called "carpenter". First, we bot get hammered and then I nail you.

Are you a doctor? Because you just cured my erectile dysfunction.

Are you a farmer? Because you've got some big, round, beautiful melons.

Do you go to church often? Because you're gonna be on your knees tonight.

I can see into the future, and yeah, we're gonna fuck at least once.

I'm an adventurer, and I want to explore your cave.

Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?

I'm a zombie, can I eat you?

Do you need help with anatomy? I know all the body parts.

Do you want to do something that rhymes with truck?

If the sun were to stop shining, I'd be your source of vitamin D.

Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight.

I can tell you're into yoga just by the way you hold yourself, why don't you show me just how flexible you are?

What has four legs and doesn't have the most beautiful girl on it? My bed. Shall we fix that?

My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?

Do you like whales? Because we can go hump back at my place.

Are you my homework? Cause I'm not doing you, but I definitely should be.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

Want to save water by showering together?

I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

I have a job for you, but it blows!

Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.

There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?

I'm a freelance gynaecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?

If it's true what they say and we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.

Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

Smile if you want to have sex with me.

I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.

Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.

Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?

Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.

You're like Pringles once I pop you, I can't stop you.

Is your name Dora? Cause I'll let you explore.

You're so hot, even my pants are falling for you!

I bet your nipples are pink. Mind if I take a look?

Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?

Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynaecologist.

I love my bed, but I'd rather be in yours.

I don't like watching sunsets, but I'd love to see you go down.

I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so you might as well be there.

I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.

Are you butt dialling? Because I swear that ass is calling me.

Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.

I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me, the harder I get.

How about you get on your knees and smile like a doughnut.

Are you cold, do you need a jacket? Because you can jack-it when we get back to my place.

Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?

You are cute, I am cute… Let's go to your place and be cute together.

Hey baby, do you want to play a lion? You go kneel right there, and I'll throw you my meat.

Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.

Can you take me home? I have excellent bedside manners.

Hi, I'm a burglar… and I'm going to smash your back door in.

I want you to be the girl who takes my virginity.

I'm no weatherman, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.

Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.

There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.

Are you a racehorse? Because when I ride, you'll always finish first.

For goodness sakes, please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.

I was feeling off today, but you definitely turned me on.

I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?

That dress looks great on you…as a matter of fact, so would I.

I'm no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.

Do you want to take a shower with me to conserve water?

I know a great way to burn off the calories in that drink.

Let's play Barbie. I'll be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

This may seem corny, but you make me really horny.

What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in.

I'm afraid of the dark… Will you sleep with me tonight?

Lie down on your couch and pretend that your legs hate each other.

My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot.

Would it be weird if I wanted to bang your brains out, or just that I didn't call you after?

First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on your lips, and then I would move up to your bellybutton.

I bet your dad is an environmentalist because you are so eco-friendly.

I'm like a delicious pizza. The best part is the sausage on top.

Let's play house. You can be the door then I can slam you all I want.

Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.

Do you run track? Because I heard you Relay want this dick.

Hey baby, I'm kind of cold, can I use your thighs as earmuffs?

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?

What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.

As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.

My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.

You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.

I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.

Do you come here often or wait till you get home?

When I see you, the sea levels are not the only ones rising…

Did you just come out of the oven? Because you're so hot.

Dammit. I lost my keys… Can I check your pants quickly?

Are you a shark? Because I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.

Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!

Sit on my lap, and we'll get things straight between us.

Is your name Dora? Because I'll let you explore this dick.

You can call me "The Fireman", mainly because I turn the hoes on.

I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard.

Are you an archaeologist? Because I've got a bone for you to examine.

That dress looks great on you… as a matter of fact, so would I.

When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?

Roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9?

Girl, are you an iceberg? Because you're making me want to go down.

Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out.

I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me, the harder I get!

You are so selfish you know. You're going to have that amazing body the rest of your life, and I just want it for one night.

Are those jeans Guess? Because guess who wants to be inside them…

Let's play house. You can be the door, and I can slam you all I want!

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Let's play a game. The fastest person to take their clothes off wins.

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable; please take them off.

If I was your teacher, I'd give you the D... I mean ahem... a D.

Here's a line in action:


You're out with your friends at a house party and you sit next to a group of girls that catch your eye.

It's hard to break the ice with a group, so you take your phone and write the following note...

"If God created anything more sexy than you, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself."

You tap her on the shoulder and hand her your phone.

She looks at it and laughs.

At this point you see her friends all look at you and then back at her. Your face looks slightly confused and you gesture "1 minute" to her with your finger, taking back the phone.

You delete what you wrote and then write the following...

"Sorry, wrong message. I meant to say, hey I didn't want to disturb you and your friends, so wondered if I could get your number?"

Hand her the phone again and wait, with a smile.

She should give back the phone with her number.

Conclusion: What to do Next

Life can sometimes be boring.

Even predictable and unfulfilling.

Using a dirty pick up line every once in a while, spices things up. It shows the girl you use it on that you're an adventurous man, who knows what he wants.

There are two ways that a naughty line can be taken with women:

1) She'll be caught off guard and offended

2) She'll be in the right state of mind and ready to play

Obviously you want the second type of girl.

The easiest way to gauge which girls to use these lines on is by looking for some easy to spot signs.

Is she giving you eye contact, self grooming and displaying flirtatious body language? Then us it on her.

Of course the real risk is not saying anything at all, so you be the judge.

We do not own the lines listed in this guide. If you see something you feel was created by you or someone you know. We’ll be happy to credit a source.