How to Pick-Up a Girl and Not Piss off her Best Friend

We’ve all been there: you saunter over to the cute girl you’ve been meaning to ask out for a while, then out of nowhere comes her colossal bff with an attitude. Best friends of the girl you are into can be your worst enemy: they will drag your ‘target’ away, shoot you down and do everything to abort your chances of getting her on a date.

Here are my top three reasons why this always happens and how you can handle picking up the girl of your dreams, whilst dealing with the girl of your nightmares.

1. Look at the pair of girls you want to approach. Is one noticeably cuter than the other? If so, how do you think the less attractive girl is going to feel if you hit on her best friend and then ignore her? Exactly. Don’t feed into the less attractive girl’s insecurities, and the existing jealousy she may feel towards her cuter friend, by being too direct with the girl you like.

Walk up the pair of them and say to the cutie, ‘Hey, I just had to come over and talk to you, as I think you’re gorgeous,’ whilst ignoring her friend and you’re heading from trouble.

Instead engage, and compliment, them both:

‘I love how both of your styles are totally unique’

‘I’m curious as to what you guys are talking about? You’re totally engrossed in what you’re talking about, it’s all very Sex and the City’

‘You must be really good friends as you laugh in exactly the same way’

Will make them both feel engaged, not enraged, towards you.

2. Make the cute girl, and her friend, warm to you even more by initially dividing your attention between them. Even if you have an opener that isn’t offensive, all your good work might be destroyed if you then focus entirely on the hottie and ignore her friend. Girls are very socially aware: if her friend is bored then the girl you like will blow you out so as not to upset her friend. Even if you’re a really cool guy who she is attracted to, her bond towards her female friend is going to be a lot stronger than any obligation she may feel towards you.

So work to keep both women engaged in the interaction. Direct statements towards both of them, make eye contact with both girls and touch both of them (in a friendly not erotic way fyi!) to keep them both focused on you. If one starts to look bored, or turns away, re-engage her with a light touch to her shoulder or by specifically asking her opinion on something.

Work to keep the group together, and the friend won’t see you as a threat to her bond with her cute bff. Get her trust first, and then you can isolate the girl you’re into later. In fact if you do really well at making the girl’s friends like you they’ll often be smart enough to give you guys some alone time. So if you’re in a situation where the friends ‘pop to the restroom’ and leave the girl you like alone with you, it’s a huge green light for you to go for that kiss.

3. Show your attractive qualities with some BFF management. It’s actually going to be really attractive to a girl if you can get on with her (really dull and aggressive) best friend. So it’s time to master of the art of creating a great ‘friendly vibe’ with the friend, whilst being seductive with the girl you’re attracted.

You see, being socially attractive, and seductive are two different parts of the same puzzle. Master them both and the friend will become support your relationship; absolutely invaluable if you (inevitably) screw up later on when dating her cute friend.

Focus on creating a fun vibe with the girl you’re not attracted to. Be warm, friendly, crack jokes and be entertaining. For the girl you’re interested in be much more seductive: maintain stronger eye contact, slow things down, talk more emotively and challenge her- just be friendly towards her and you’ll end up as her friend as well. Then you’ll have to spend more time with that annoying BFF: disaster!

So remember next time you want to hit on a hottie, with a best friend ‘guarding’ her; make the dynamic work for you rather than against you:

  • Soothe the less cute friend’s insecurities by showing a warmth and interest towards them both.
  • Don’t enrage the friend’s jealousy by immediately trying to isolate the girl you like, instead win them both over.
  • Make friends with the friend: remember she has a lot of power over the girl you want to date. So make her your most powerful ally instead of your worst enemy.

Do these things and not only could you end up with a hot date… but you could also score a new, cool female friend in the process.


I wrote this article after a bootcamp client wrote in asking me about how to deal with this situation.

I always want to write relevant blogs so if you have any other questions fire them over to and I’ll try to write a blog on them,

Good luck guys

Hayley Q X

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  1. In this situation, I often get the cute girl (target) to push her friend on me. How do I avoid this?

  2. Fat-Albert says:

    How are you Hayley Q,
    Firstly, cool pic – like something out of American Beauty but with more class and style haaa.

    Next, good artical and it doesn't take much social skills to actually engage both girls. I have a question, a lot of female friends 'advise' (a) not to approach women until they give a/the signal; (b) not to touch (kino) women until at least an hour becuase its too 'creepy'. In response to these points I understand that an Alpha man does not need to wait for a signal – he approaches confidently/competently and opens; and with the kino – as I only have a night off to try and make an impact (and pick up a girl), I should be kinoing very early on (including hi-5's, shaking hands, spinning the girl around, bantering, rings on fingers, thumb wrestling and other quick/slight touching that is not creepy – note that the girls don't run away).

    What are your thoughts here Hayley.

    All the best

    • Thanks FA.

      This is why most of the time people will tell you not to listen to the advice of girls! a) don’t wait for a signal to approach from a girl. If you can force an IOI and make the approach warm it’s great; however a lot of the time you may see a hot girl and not have the time to do this (say she’s walking down the street in the other direction). This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t approach. Even if she doesn’t clock you, it doesn’t mean she won’t be receptive to being opened. And even if she isn’t receptive to being opened, but you do it anyway and plough, most girls will give you a positive response in the end. If you don’t try out your skills and take the opportunity though you’ll never know.

      I also think subtle kino (light touches to the arms for eg using the back of your hand) should be incorporated right from the get go. As long as your touches don’t linger, are to begin with non-sexual, and you feel comfortable doing them she should be fine with it. Girls tend to be more tactile than men.

      Hope that helps

      HQ X

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