A crucial step to knowing whether she is the right girl for you is being able to tell if she reciprocates your interest.
When it comes to dating, most men fear rejection.
But what if I told you, that from the very moment a girl meets you, she is secretly sending out signals that convey her interest level.
And by being able to notice these signals, you will have the instant power to know if she is interested in you.
How confident will you feel when you possess the skills to be able to know if she’s interested, before you even make a move, thus meaning you will never be rejected again?
And how much will your life change when you take hold of all the great opportunities with women that you are currently missing out on, just because you didn’t notice you had the opportunities, to begin with?
This article will help you tell if a girl is interested, BEFORE making a move.
Women and men display attraction differently
Men and women are different. As such, they usually send out different signals when they are interested.
As a man, I find it incredibly easy to know when a guy is interested in a girl. He looks at her excessively, he changes his voice and posture. He has his groin pointed towards her etc.
But women often struggle over these male ‘signs’, they just can’t always notice them. They go to the bathroom and ask their girlfriends “do you think he likes me?”
Similarly, I can guarantee that a girl can tell when a member of her sex is interested in a guy. Because she knows the female ‘signs’ of interest.
Here is a secret which you have to know:
Women are obvious.
You just have to know what signs to look for.
Here are the signs you must pay attention to. If she’s doing any or all of these… then she’s interested in you.
1. She looks at you the right way
This applies when she hasn’t yet met you:
Almost every time you share eye contact with a random girl, she will look away. It doesn’t matter if you are a male model or extremely unattractive. But the amazing thing is this, in which direction she looks while looking away, conveys her level of attraction!
If she looks down, it is a sign that she is attracted to you. That she sees you as a sexual equal or superior.
If she looks to the side, it means she’s not sure yet. She may be interested, she just has to do some detective work.
If she looks up, it means that she is not interested at all.
It’s kind of like rolling her eyes at you. Don’t take it too harshly when this happens, however. She could just have a boyfriend that she is madly in love with.
Note: For any of the above to be a genuine sign of interest, given the opportunity, she has to look back at you within 45 seconds.
Where did the 45 seconds come from? It was a discovery made by psychological researcher Dr Timothy Perper who spent years studying the mating game.
Not many girls realise that they do this. It is an automatic, subconscious, instinctual part of their behaviour.
2. She keeps checking you out
Girls check out guys too.
Sometimes they are obvious and you can see their eyes look you up and down.
But more often than not, they are more secretive with their attention. And they get away with it, due to having far superior peripheral vision to males.
After a while, when a girl is interested in you, she secretly looks at you. She studies you, she tries to figure you out.
And here is a fantastic way to catch her out:
The test: Try it out yourself
When you think she may be checking you out, look at a random point in the room. Somewhere nothing is happening of any real interest. I normally choose somewhere high on a wall.
Afterwards, look over at the girl. If she is now looking up at the same random point – you know that she has been paying attention to you.
3. She looks at you longer than necessary
This applies once you have met the girl and she is comfortable in the interaction:
Have you noticed that when you talk to a girl you find undesirable, you often give them less eye contact? As if you don’t want to lead them on?
Alternatively when you feel confident and like a girl, you often look into her eyes that little bit longer than normal? You take opportunities to study her.
Well, the same applies to when a girl likes you.
The test: Try it out yourself
Once you have been talking to a girl, especially on a date, here is a great technique you can use to test her interest. Basically, all you do is let your conversation trail off. While doing so, you look the girl in her eyes.
If she continues to look back for a count of three seconds, it is highly possible she is attracted to you. She could even be ready for a kiss in this moment.
Note: You can also use your eyes to convey your interest to girls. Look at your girl of interest longer than you need to. And during conversation, smoothly and slowly flick your attention from her left eye, to her right eye and then to her lips and then repeat.
This is called “triangular gazing” and is a way to build up sexual tension.
4. Every time she is feeling an emotional peak, she glances at you
She may be sitting with you as part of a group, or she may even be talking to another guy on the opposite side of the room. But if you notice, for example, that in the middle of a laugh, she almost always glances at you, you will know that this girl desires your attention.
Why does she choose this moment to make eye contact with you?
If she is with you, it gives her a chance to build a bond with you, harnessing these good emotions flying about.
If she is in the company of others and looks over while she laughs, she’s using it as a chance to grab your attention while she is at her most desirable – full of fun and good vibes.
Pay attention to her peaks in emotions, and look to see who her eyes fixate on.
5. Her physiology changes uncontrollably
When a girl is attracted to you, her physiology changes.
Certain ‘lust’ chemicals in her body increase. Causing her to physically change, for example:
- She arches her back to appear sexier
- She pushes her breasts out to show you her best features
- Her pupils dilate
- She begins to breathe more slowly
- Her lips redden and become more pronounced
- Her nipples harden
- Her vagina becomes lubricated
Ok, so I get that some of these signals are hard to spot. But there are other signals as well.
For example, when people walk past someone they find attractive, often they automatically improve their posture.
6. She uses sexy body language
To really be great with women, you have to be great at reading body language. Because the fact is, so much of how a girl expresses herself is done through her body.
Have you ever watched as a girl circled a glass with her finger? Or sensually stroked it up and down with her hand? Chances are, in this very moment, this girl was horny as hell!
You see, when a girl is talking with you and things are heating up, she will subconsciously start caressing. She could be caressing a part of her body, such as her hair, her leg etc. Or it could be a nearby inanimate object, such as a glass.
There is a difference between caressing and fiddling. Caressing is more sensual. That’s what you are looking for, signs of caressing.
When I was last in Sweden, I met a girl in a hostel. Straight after greeting each other, we somehow got onto a rather sexual topic. As we continued talking, I noticed her hand stroking a nearby door handle, with motions mimicking stroking a penis. She didn’t even notice she was doing this.
But needless to say, I did, and I certainly wasn’t surprised when she offered herself for me to bed, without even a kiss and only 15 minutes into our conversation!
Ok, maybe the body language signal above is an easy one to notice. But there are so many more. Most of them you probably wouldn’t even notice, if you have not been taught in this area!
A good book on the subject is called Undercover Sex Signals by Leil Lowndes.
Leil Lowndes, a female, (which in my opinion gives extra credit to her advice on how women think) has included 26 sexual interest signals in her book.
All of these signals are displayed for the reader using photographs of models adopting the poses. She also has included some great advice on how to respond, as a male, when you see each signal.
After reading this book, everything becomes clear, like suddenly seeing the matrix. And the mating game becomes a lot easier.
Often, I see guys go up to girls and can instantly tell they are about to be rejected, purely because they don’t notice that the girl they are approaching is showing body language which screams “stay away”.
But more shocking is that I, too often, see so many men miss an opportunity when a girl was doing no less than offering herself to him. And the man, while interested, didn’t even notice her desires, purely as he couldn’t decipher the basic body language signals.
7. She seeks attention
A girl walks briskly past your line of view, swinging her hips, and walking like she has a purpose, somewhere to go, somewhere to be. I didn’t even believe this sign existed at first. However, I had heard of it.
I first realised this sign was fact when it happened to me.
Of course, I noticed the girl briskly walking past me, but I didn’t think anything of it, until a girl I was with pointed out “that walk was all about you”. Basically, it was a form attention seeking.
There are other ways that girls seek your attention too. It may include talking louder than she has to with her friends in order to get your attention.
It could also be the following…
8. Proximity: She closes in on you
Women are almost always aware of their proximity in a room.
Everyone has a ‘personal bubble’. The size of the bubble is different amongst cultures. In western society, it’s about 60cm in most situations, 30 cm in a crowded club.
Sometimes girls purposely invade a guy’s personal space. And often is to get attention.
An example is when a woman stands, or dances near a man in a club, by herself, and for no apparent reason. She doesn’t need to face him. But purely by being in proximity, it could be a sign that she wants his attention.
There are a lot of other methods girls use when it comes to invading a guy’s personal space. Some are more obvious than others. If it seems odd, as if there is no other good reason for it than to gather your attention, chances are she is in fact, seeking your attention.
9. She gives you the time of day
If a girl gives you time with her, you have your foot in the door.
Girls are trained at blocking attempts to woo them. And the best ones get hit on all the time. So they are like ninjas at getting rid of unwanted attention.
And if they can’t get rid of you, they will eject themselves from the situation.
They’ll run off to the dance floor without giving you an invitation to join. They’ll go to the bathroom or bar with their friends and then conveniently end up somewhere other than where you are currently.
Ok, I’m focussing on the negative. But only to let you realise the positive…
If a girl gives you time, or any opportunity to pursue her, it could be because she is at least considering you. This opportunity could be as simple as her staying behind with you as her friends go to the bathroom.
If she gives you a date, she’s considering you even more strongly, or perhaps has already, flat out, made the decision that she likes you.
But remember, this sign is only valid when she isn’t forced.
For example, if it is her job to serve you in a clothing store, don’t necessarily look at this time spent together as being a sign of interest. It is her job, she is forced to spend time with you. In this case, only look for gestures which are beyond the call of duty.
And that goes for every sign I list here, know they are only relevant if the female is not forced.
10. She has energy with you
I have noticed that often when some friends and I are talking to attractive females we have a lot of energy. We’re witty, we’re talkative. But the minute they all go to the bathroom, we slump.
It’s like we all conserve energy for their return. We don’t speak much, we don’t release much energy. But as soon as the girls return, we are back full of energy.
Girls are the same.
They conserve their energy until when it is important.
As a rule, a person’s energy level is usually synonymous with their interest level. Thus, when a girl displays energy in an interaction with you, she is also showing interest in you.
But importantly, her energy must be focussed on you. She can’t be constantly scanning the room for other opportunities. Energy only counts if she is putting it into the two of you.
Having an ability to read basic human social psychology can help here.
For example, a girl could be talking to her friends while you stand a few metres away, out of the conversation, but this doesn’t necessarily mean her energy isn’t on you.
Perhaps, you notice she is talking louder than what is logically needed to communicate with her friends and she often glances over (see: attention seeking above).
In this case, it’s highly likely she is hoping you to overhear and join in the conversation. These little signs are crucial and once you really get into the higher level of skills, you will be able to read every social situation as if it were second nature, including all of these subtle clues women give.
Her energy with you can also be displayed in other ways.
For example, if you write her a brief message and she writes you back a message which feels like the length of a novel, obviously she is investing in the interaction. She is giving you energy. When girls like us, they give us their energy. And vice versa.
If she offers to come over to help you with an assignment, if she makes you dinner on your date rather than take the easy way and just go to a restaurant. If she does anything selfless just to impress you, she is probably interested.
I have known this for a long time. And when I lived on college and knew girls liked me, I would have them washing my clothes, make me sandwiches, be doing my assignments.
Ok, I was a bastard. I was probably as bad as the girl that flirts with guys for drinks. And while I wouldn’t partake in such unsavoury practices today, there is a lesson here, a girl giving you energy is often a sign that she likes you!
By the way, the more energy she gives to you, the more her investment in you grows. And with girls, more investment = more chance of falling in love with you.
While positive energy is desired, realise that negative energy can also sometimes be a sign of interest. When a girl shows high levels of emotions around you, it’s often because they care.
For example, I once received a nasty text message from a girl, telling me she was over me and calling me all of the names under the sun.
I responded with “clearly you are not over me, as if you were, you wouldn’t have cared enough to send this message”. And it’s true. She was still interested and her message was just another sign. Because when a girl really does not care, they are aloof and do not put any energy into the relationship, positive or negative.
Remember energy levels are (usually) synonymous with interest levels → the degree to which the energy is positive or negative doesn’t matter. Even nervous energy is great. If a girl is highly nervous around you, in a shy way, you’ll know she’s probably interested.
And energy is an interesting concept, as it can change within a millisecond. Just as you can change a girl’s interest levels with a single word, or movement. You can also change her energy in an instant.
But that’s out of the scope of this article. When it comes to her current interest level, all you can go on is her energy level in the present. If it’s not there, she’s not interested… for now.
11. She isolates herself with you
Girls are often more physically vulnerable than guys. In many environments, such as bars/nightclubs, girls hang in small groups with other females.
This group of females watch each other’s back and keep one another safe. And this group generally can’t be torn apart, unless of course, the right guys come along.
When a girl purposely isolates herself from her group, to be in your company, she’s probably interested in getting to know you.
Whenever a girl did this, I would use the “zebra” code word to my friends.
This is because, after studying the way lions hunt, I realised that once a lion has a single zebra separated from the pack of zebras, it’s pretty much has it. The same is true with the mating game in humans. When a girl ‘zebras’ (separates) herself from the group, she’s strongly considering you.
If she chooses that she’d like to separate not only from her group but everyone and everything else, to be in your company, this is an even better sign.
For example, when a girl suggests that she would like to leave a party to watch a movie at your place with you, just the two of you… you will know that the movie is probably the last thing on her mind.
Take note, this separation from others can be mental and physical, or just mental. But there always must be a mental aspect. Because even if a girl travels to the moon with you, if she is still wondering what her friends are doing every two seconds, you won’t get anywhere.
12. She warns you off another girl
Have you ever had a girl come up and warn you off a girl who has been the subject of your attention?
The girl may say something like “I just don’t trust her”. Or “She’s beneath you”.
Well what she really means by this is “You’re for me, not her”. She could be interested!
Remember that women are very territorial, so once they like you, they will do whatever they can to keep you interested in them and this is a very common tactic they use subconsciously.
If this does happen to you, only take her advice with a pinch of salt. You need to be the one that makes the decision of whether the girl is as bad as she says she is.
13. Her grooming is immaculate
When a girl meets up with a guy she likes, she tries to make herself as visually flattering as possible. So it’s visually quite easy to tell if a girl is trying to impress you.
Before a date with you, did she put more energy into prettying herself than she did when she went out with a platonic friend? Does she put in a lot of effort even though you were just going to the movies or doing something very casual?
This is a sign! Remember, the key thing to focus on here is what she does differently with you compared to what she normally does. This is what truly determines her level of interest.
Also be on the lookout to see if a girl is particularly trying to get you to pay attention to her specific favourite body parts – such as her legs or her breasts.
14. She finds ridiculous excuses to contact you
When I was in college, I once had a girl ring me up in the middle of the night. When I answered the phone, she pretended that I had actually rung her. I went along with it. She then invited me to her room.
Girls will find any excuse to contact you when they are keen, even if the excuse makes no sense at all.
Here’s another example, I often had girls banging on the door of my apartment, late at night, after they had been out drinking. Whenever a girl did this, she never had any plausible excuse. It was always “I was just wondering what you are up to?” It’s 3 in the morning!
Ok, I know its overkill, but here’s another – once I was at a Pearl Jam concert and a very attractive girl came up to me, asking for a cigarette paper to roll her tobacco.
I didn’t smoke, so I got a paper from my friend and gave it to her. As she started rolling her cigarette, I noticed that inside her tobacco pouch she already had plenty of cigarette papers. She just wanted an excuse to come over.
Basically, if you catch a girl out, if you realise that their reason to contact you or to catch up is just nonsense – this is a good sign!
15. She keeps extending your time together
When a girl is with you, on a date or some other meeting, they have finite time. They have something else they need to do in the future.
When a girl puts off leaving your company, you know that her interest level is rising. When it happens continually, you know her interest is even stronger.
I’ve been on dates where a girl has pre-warned me that she needs to be home by a reasonable hour.
The date goes on and every so often the girl says “I should really go home…” Next thing you know it’s the next morning and they are still with you.
She’s also saying that to make you want her more, so that you think “Oh crap, I haven’t got long with her, I need to impress her”.
16. She lets you be dominant and assumes the submissive role
When a girl gives you dominance and control over the situation, she could be interested. This could be as simple as letting you decide what to do on the date, what to drink, what to eat etc.
I have also noticed that when I meet taller women who are attracted to me, they instantly make themselves appear shorter to come down to my average height.
They develop bad posture. They let me still be dominant. Whenever I have noticed a taller girl do this I have always found out that she indeed likes me.
It’s a biological response that women do naturally which they can’t control. They are attracted to dominant confident men!
17. She wants to seem similar to you
When a person likes someone, they often try to seem similar to that person in order to attract them. Subconsciously we all know that like attract like and birds of a feather flock together.
There are a few ways a girl can do this. One is through matching.
Matching is when she directly copies you in order to seek rapport with you.
This can be either done subconsciously or consciously. Examples are copying your body movements and posture. For example, if you were to suddenly move forward in your chair, if she were to do the same, she is matching you.
Or she could copy specific words or phrases that you say.
Or even pretend to have the same tastes in music, food and so on, or slightly exaggerate her interest in things which you find interesting.
18. She touches you
Touch could be as innocent as “accidentally” brushing you as she walks past, pretending to bump into you or as obvious as grabbing your ass. Touch says it all.
I call the following the ultimate test, as this is a way to find out, for certain, if a girl really likes you. This technique has worked for me so many times I have lost count. It was my saviour test! I always used it.
When you are sitting near a girl, touch her slightly. Maybe put your leg or arm next to hers. Basically, have a part of both of your bodies slightly touching. Keep it there.
If she moves herself away and stays away, then your romance may not go any further. But if she continues to touch you, it is a good sign.
Then after a while, test her interest even more by getting even closer to her. Have more of yourselves touching each other.
If all goes well, intimacy will develop.
Here’s a secondary touch test as well. It’s not as good as the former, but it still works. When you’re with a girl and are at the point where you are slightly comfortable, be a bit cheeky.
Playfully pretend to push her or trip her up slightly etc. Do it in a fun playful way, you know, like you would have as a kid. It lets her know that it’s ok to touch each other.
And later on in the encounter, if things are heating up and she feels likes touching you, she will instantly remember the previous playfight and know she can ‘play it safe’ by using the same method back.
She may decide to trip you up or push you, but it will be worth it.
If a girl initiates a playfight with you – she’s probably interested. She wants to touch you and this is an acceptable way for her to initiate that. It doesn’t matter if you had only tripped her up a half an hour ago. If she initiates it again by herself, she’s interested.
And armed with this signal you can then step it up a level with the touch, put an arm around her or even pull her in for a kiss.
19. She validates herself as a potential mate
Girls often validate themselves as potential mates when they like you. For example, if you tell a girl that you like girls who are independent, she may respond at that point how she is independent, or mention it later on, as a way to validate herself to you.
I find this a lot with girls.
For example, I find that when I am older than a girl by enough years to make it significant, a girl will often make special mention how their past boyfriends have been older, or how they are more mature than other girls their age, or some other method to validate.
There are hundreds of examples here, just take notice when you see this signal.
20. She talks to you differently
When a girl, or her friends, tell you she is interested, you can probably trust her/their words.
Also watch for other signs in her/their talk.
For example, if you ask a girl if she has a boyfriend and she replies “no”. Then her friend interrupts “Yes, you do!” And she again replies “I do not!” You know that she probably has a boyfriend, but is interested in you.
Does she try to impress you with what she says? Or is her questioning very intimate, on topics such as your family, past relationships etc? In certain situations, these could be signs of interest.
There are a million other things she or her friends could say that would give the game away. Too many to include in this article. Most are obvious anyway, so keep an ear out.
And remember, in all that I teach here, it is more important to be able to read human psychology then it is to try to learn rules to each and every situation. People who are great with women are great with their level of “social intelligence”. So get out there and improve your skills socially!
A bonus signal: The naturally obvious
The obvious is a signal which is almost unexplainable.
Its basis could possibly be a mixture of any or all of the above signs. It could be due to subconsciously picking up on her pheromones. It could be a sixth sense. We actually don’t know for sure what ‘the obvious’ is.
But for millennia, our ancestors have relied on this skill to help succeed with one of the most important goals of the human race – reproduction.
This skill has become so useful, so important, that it has become instinctual.
Have you ever just ‘known’ the right time to move in for a kiss? Maybe you could sense it as you looked into a girl’s eyes.
Or maybe, you noticed that a girl has a crush on you. She didn’t have to broadcast this fact. Again, you could ‘just tell’.
I have, and I am sure most of you have too.
And when we try to describe what led us to believe such, we have trouble. In many cases, we learnt all we needed to know just by simply sharing eye contact with a girl. We just sensed their interest, instinctually. And words fall out the window when it comes to instinct.
Conclusion & Summary
As this is such a long report, here’s a convenient list of the 20 signs that a girl is interested in you:
- She looks at you the right way
- She keeps checking you out
- She looks at you longer than necessary
- Every time she is feeling an emotional peak, she glances at you
- Her physiology changes uncontrollably
- She uses sexy body language
- She seeks attention
- Proximity: She closes in on you
- She gives you the time of day
- She has energy with you
- She isolates herself with you
- She warns you off another girl
- Her grooming is immaculate
- She finds ridiculous excuses to contact you
- She keeps extending your time together
- She lets you be dominant and assumes the submissive role
- She wants to seem similar to you
- She touches you
- She validates herself as a potential mate
- She talks to you differently
About the Author
George has a degree in Psychological Science and has a deep interest in all areas of personal development. He is soon to release his first novel, Synchronicity of Ulysses – a deep allegory which he hopes will help the world.
Do you have a specific situation, where you would like to know if a girl is interested in you, but you just can’t figure it out? Need some help? Please send me an email and ask for my opinion.