Stop Feeling Sorry for yourself! You are Accountable for most things

    Hey guys

    Today I want to talk about making changes in your life. Every day I work with people helping them to change their pattern behaviours to therefore get different results. Recently I have been doing a lot of work on myself and starting to see real results. I hope that you take from this blog some helpful tips that you can incorporate into your own life.

    For the last few weeks I have been feeling rather sorry for myself, to the point where I had to make some changes in my life. I wear contact lenses (the type you sleep in) and a few weeks ago I got a really bad eye infection that was not only painful but it really restricted my sight. It started one morning as I woke up, it felt like someone was pushing their thumb into my eye and it was watering like crazy. I put up with it for a day thinking it was hay fever and stocked up on sprays and drops. By the next morning it looked like I had been punched by Mike Tyson so I guessed I better get it looked it.

    I went to my local opticians as it is only round the corner from where I live. They said that I had to immediately go to the eye hospital and gave me a letter of referral. By this time it was 11am and I was concerned because I was due to catch a train to Chichester to attend a neurology workshop the next day. I asked if I could put it off until I got back, it was a firm “no”.

    So barely being able to see I packed my bags and went to the hospital, thinking it would be quicker to just get the train after the hospital visit. I then had to get myself from North London to Old Street via the tube. It was bloody difficult, trying to navigate the tube without being able to properly see. By asking a lot of people and squinting (I stupidly have not got a pair of glasses) I managed to find the hospital and register at the desk. I was there for over 5 hours and I was given drops that I had to administer once an hour, 24 hours a day!

    By this time I had missed my train, I was down in the dumps and could hardly make out the world around me. Although I only had an infection in my left eye, my right eye was being “sympathetic” and was too extremely sensitive to light. My eyes were in fact so sensitive to light I couldn’t even look at my laptop screen or TV!

    I sat outside the hospital thinking what to do. I had a hotel booked and was due to attend the course the next morning, not only that I had to teach on a PUA Training bootcamp that weekend too. I made the decision to go home and feel sorry for myself. I then saw out of my blurry eyes several people with horrific injuries to their eyes and face coming into accident and emergency and it really put my issue into perspective. So I had a little word with myself, I said “Stop being a little bitch and go to Chichester”. I stopped being a little bitch and I went.

    I took myself off to Victoria station and got the next train to Chichester. Although I had to pay 5 times the amount for the ticket than what I had already paid online, I was feeling rather pleased with myself. By the time I got to the hotel and checked in, I was positively brimming with confidence and in a good mood. I treated myself to a curry and then went to bother the barmaids in a local pub near where I was staying. The course went well and I came back to London knowing that by going I had gained so much more than just staying at home and moaning about how unfair life was.

    Although I was unable to see, I dragged my sorry ass down to the PUA Training bootcamp. I give a 2 hour talk on Sunday mornings, I have not missed a single bootcamp in over 18 months and I was not going to start now.

    My phone alarm was set to go off every hour, day and night, to put the drops in. After a few days I had a realisation ‘where does all the time go?’ Every hour my phone would beep, I put in the drops and I also thought to myself “what have I actually done in the last hour?” I began to realise just how precious time was and then something even weirder happened. I passed a hotel on my way home and it was advertising for Christmas booking. I checked my phone and realised we are in the 10th month of the year, how to heck did that happen? I am sure it was only Christmas a couple of months ago! It certainly feels like it anyway.

    One major excuse I get from my clients is that they do not have the time to make changes, or that it isn’t the right time for them. From being so conscious about time flying by I firmly believe that there is never a right time to start something, in fact when you think it is a bad time it is probably the best time.

    Over the following three weeks I had to go to hospital 7 times, with more visits planned. My eye infection was actually quite serious and for some reason all the drops they gave me didn’t work as expected. Thankfully now my eye is 90% better and I can use my laptop again without wearing sunglasses. Over the last 3 weeks I have also been accessing my life, goals and what it is I really want to do and how to make changes. The course that I attended in Chichester focused a lot of how the brain works in relation to pattern behaviour and how to make real world changes. Over this period I decided that I am going to take firm action on something that I have toyed with for several years but never actually achieved the results I wanted. The thing I started to really address was my weight.

    I believe that we all have one big thing we would like to change in our life, it is our big excuse to why we have not done as well as we could have. We become addicted to our excuses as it makes us feel better about not achieving our goals, it gives us something to blame. I hope that by reading this post it might start to give you a bit of motivation towards making changes in your life and starting to tackle your big challenge in life.

    So first things first. Before I started to tackle the problem I needed to find out where I was. It is pointless making a goal if you don’t know where you are starting from. For the first time in a long time I stood on the scales, took a deep breath and looked down. It was not good. I then went online and checked the NHS height and weight chart and literally had a heart attack when I saw what category I was in and what I should actually weigh. I called the doctor and made an appointment later that week to get a professional opinion of my weight and also what is a healthy amount to lose and at what rate.

    The doctors appointment came and as I sat in his office he asked me what the problem was. I said that I have decided to finally get my weight under control and I wanted to know what shape I was in and the best way to go about it. He weighed and measured me and put all the info into his computer. He then told me something that cheered me up. He said that to get to my “ideal” weight as directed on the NHS chart would be “bloody crazy!”. He had an Italian accent and was rather camp so it made it all the more humorous. He told me that a realistic amount of weight to lose would be 12 KGs over 3 or so months, so basically by Christmas. He also wanted me to see his dietician to help me on my way.

    After feeling much better after seeing the doctor I had my appointment with the dietician. We talked about the amount I wanted to lose and how to make lots of little changes in my diet. She said that for the next week or so, try not to make many changes but instead keep an honest food diary. She said once you start to record what you are eating, it is easy to see where the problems are and how to make changes.

    When I work with clients I always tell them the advantages of keeping a diary and now it was my turn with food and drink. This is where the title of the post comes into play as I had to be accountable to myself. It is actually much harder and difficult than you may think. When we live our lives day to day we simply do not notice our patterns. When you have to write things down it makes a huge psychological difference.

    I kept an honest food diary for a week, what I ate and drank and at what time. I also started to record what activities I was doing each day and how I was spending my time. After the week was up it was easy to see why I am over weight and where I need to make changes. I drank a lot more than I realised and it hadn’t been a particularly heavy week! I was eating rubbish convenient food and at the wrong times i.e. late at night. It also seemed that a lot of it was linked with drinking.

    When you start writing down what you do you can really start to see your own patterns. You can then start to make real world tangible changes to what you are doing to make sure you get different results. Since I started with the weight loss effort, I have reduced my drinking, started to prepare more food at home and stopped eating so much junk. As a result I have lost 3kg which was confirmed by the dietician I have been seeing. Making small changes is the only way to make a large overall change.

    Now that I have started to sort my diet out I am starting to focus on exercise. I am a member of a local gym, however it is a bit basic and also quite a walk from my house. There is an amazing gym 2 minutes from my house but is it very, very expensive. I see this as an investment in myself and I know that I will get value for money from it. I am actually joining this afternoon, now my previous membership has expired. I am having a professional program done for me, so again working with professionals.

    Over the past few years I have worked with hundreds of clients and I have seen the changes they have made to get real results. I want to leave you with a few pointers to take away from this blog so you can start to implement changes in your life and start to achieve your goals.

    Step 1

    Work out what it is you actually want to do.

    You have to make the goal tangible and measurable. For example I want to lose weight, this is very easy to measure. In game terms it could be to make a certain amount of approaches or even to improve your social life. If you want to work on your social life then make it specific, for example have a goal of going out 3 times a week, once with friends, once to an exhibition and once for a meal etc etc. Once you have a tangible goal you have something to measure.

    Step 2

    Make a real assessment of where you currently are.

    If you do not know where you currently are, then you can not make plans to where you want to get to. I would start by keeping an honest diary or some other way of monitoring what you are currently doing. This will then be your starting point.

    Step 3

    Make mini goals

    Once you know where you are and where you want to get to, break it down into mini goals. For example I want to lose 12 kgs, however this is broken down into monthly 3 kg goals. If you want to improve your game then you could make it a goal to open 5 girls a day. Remember the goals have to be tangible and measurable.

    Step 4

    Quit you whining and get to it!

    If you make a realistic goal, work out where you are and then make steps towards it, then it is quite hard to actually fail.

    I want to mention three really important points about making any changes in your life. Firstly is speed of implementation. Secondly is working with professionals. Thirdly is passion and motivation.

    Speed of implementation. The longer you leave something, the less likely it will ever happen! Start working on this today. Not tomorrow, not next week, today! There is nothing worse than someone with a goal who constantly goes on about it yet takes no action.

    Working with professionals is going to accelerate your progress. Yes, this is going to cost money. You have to decide if your life is worth it or not. When you pay for professional help, you get professional results.

    Passion and motivation is something that always comes up with my clients. My advice is to do something for 2 months, without excuse, then we will talk about passion and motivation. Once you are involved with something and you are getting results, you develop passion and motivation. Wanting to have passion and motivation for something before you start is simply retarded.

    I want to end on a really important point. You are 100% responsible for your life. Whether you achieve your goals in life or not, no one really cares! Stop making bullshit excuses and get on with it.

    p.s. please feel free to ignore all the above advice and instead use the “Law of Attraction” or some other tree hugging hippy crap.

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  1. I love this post! Made me smile after such a crappy day, also told the PC screen how true this was. Look forward to your next one!

  2. That was a REALLY GOOD post! Well done glad to see you are making positive changes to your life and getting results. With time you will get to where you want to be.

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