The Joy of Letting Go – Being Free in a Relationship

Letting go and freeing you from the stress of control in a relationship

Now I mainly get e-mails off guys asking me about sexual psychology and club game but some of my clients who I have work with are now in relationships and they start to ask me about relationships. This covers all your questions……

Now relationships are a totally different game, in fact for me, it is NOT A GAME. It is also something I am really enjoying learning about. I’m very experienced at the earlier, I’m know how to get the girl but the latter takes much more work and maturity. I have had some great changes in my life in the last year and recently that has opened me up to a different, better way of living that I’d like to share with you guys.

Last night I watched a fantastic play which really reflected some issues I have been looking at recently regarding CONTROL and RELATIONSHIPS.

In ‘The Love of the Nightingale’ the lead, Tereus, is a typical controlling alpha male, a warrior, a leader of men. He is a powerful king who people and women look up to and admire. However his down fall is his lust for a younger girl and how he sees her as a possession and tries to manipulate and force her into doing what he wants. In the end he is destroyed because of this……..

One of the main problems in the world of PUA is that it hugely based on CONTROL (the situation) and SOCIAL MANIPULATION (in the coolest possible way of course ;-) The PUA is always thinking what is my next move? What shall I do to win the girl? Most mean no harm and just want to have success with women. Now I am not saying this is wrong totally, especially when someone is new to this lifestyle and is still finding themselves. We all want good outcomes in all areas of life and to look at strategies to achieve our goals and be happy. Our strategies may also help to make someone else happy and lead them on new adventures. In some situations (especially a bar/club) having a rough ‘Gameplan’ is a good thing if it helps someone to be there most attractive self. However this is all cool in early stages of an interaction if it helps to break down social barriers and get rid of the pressure so that 2 people can get to know each other however in a relationship this DOES NOT WORK!

The first problem why many top PUAs (guys who have loads of gorgeous women in their life) can’t develop healthy relationships is because they are always thinking ‘in game!’ Most of pick up is based either on PUSH or PULL. Pull the girl towards you (leading, escalation etc.) Or pushing her away (disqualifying, break rapport, freeze out etc.) in hope she will come back. Now again in a club I teach and use push-pull in a fun, playful, sexual way however in a relationship it should be neither. The key is to LET GO and stop trying to control the outcome and let things happen naturally so that if the relationship forms it has firm foundations.

The word ‘relationship’ is a loaded term, a label that can scare people, with all kinds of pressure and can seem to a women, as a way of a man controlling them. It shouldn’t. To me a relationship is simple; 2 people who love spending time together relating and maybe making a small promise not to see other people and that is it. Of course there is a spectrum, from the first kiss, to way down the line, getting married! But there should always be freedom. The man who rids himself of all needy behaviour is the man who will always let the women be free and do her own thing and does not feel the need to control her. He is not scared of losing her because he has true confidence and inner peace. If she comes back (which most of the time she will) it will have been HER CHOICE and not because you have run some game on her and manipulated her into coming back. If you do this, it might work for a while but you will have an unhappy relationship and the same issues will pop up time after time. A relationship has to be right for both and occur naturally. If one person has baggage and issues then it is best to let it go and as they need to address them and you can’t make them. Plus these kinds of people, no matter how attractive, will not really be much fun and it is better to look elsewhere.

The great thing is: WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS so don’t bother trying, it will just make you stressed, unattractive and unhappy. We cannot control where other people are at in their lives and their past experiences. If we try to control the situation or them we will just push them away. Let them go and if they come back then great, it was meant to be, if not, then great again! You have found out she was not right for you early on and you can enjoy meeting new people and finding someone who is.

A great example of this: A good and very wise friend of mine was telling me early on in his relationship after 3 weeks his girl asked him could she meet up with her good looking ex for a drink. Now most men who have been hurt and said ‘No’ or ‘him or me baby’ or just tried to persuade her into not meeting him by putting pressure on her and showing his dismay and disgust in her lack of commitment. However he did not. He actively welcomed and actually supported and encouraged her. He realised he never would want to control her. He let her know he hoped she would make the right decision and be with him and he really enjoyed being with her however she should meet this guy and see how she felt. He also let her know the same applied to him too though and he would be also free to see other girls if he pleased. This was not done as a punishment but it did let her know her actions also carried a possible consequence and she should be aware of that.

Now PUA’s would see this as the pushing part of the ‘Push-Pull’ concept. However it was not some petty punishment to tempt her back, he seriously wanted her to be free and make the choice to be with him herself and for him not to force it. It was actually a good way of him being able to TEST HER and see if she was RIGHT FOR HIM and not just the other way round. He was not scared of losing her as he has a fun, fulfilling and exciting life and she would have added to it but not made it. He WANTED her but he did not NEED her………….In the end she decided not to meet the good looking ex and 3 years on they are still together. However, it was meant to be because he allowed her the option and she chose him.

The key is to be truly NOT scared of losing her. Personally I think honestly, trust & respect are 3 musts in any kind of relationship and I will always give these. However if they are broken, they are gone forever and so am I. It is important to be always able to walk away. Now this takes time to develop and I have only achieved it recently. It is hard if you have strong feelings for a beautiful girl but the great thing about life is ‘You always get another chance’ and the world is a fun and exciting place full of amazing people. I always say to students ‘This so called perfect girl might not be right for you and a year down the line you’ll find yourself with someone more beautiful, amazing and genuinely more suited to you and more fun.’

Letting go is the only option. I see some guys pretending to let go because they know logically it is the right thing to do and looks cool….. that is actually part of their game plan. However to truly let go is to find the peace inside to truly say, for example, ‘Go and out and party with your friends’ and not be watching the other guys out of the corner of your eye. Then if she comes back, and choices not to devalue your relationship and break your trust by getting with another man it, it will have been her choice and you know you can really trust her.

All you can do is present her with choices. To be with an exciting, fun, loving person, have amazing s%x and creating something special…… or not? If not, move on and in time she will regret not taking the first option but that is her problem as you will have moved on but she has to make the choice. You can’t manipulate the situation, if you try, you will constantly trying to control her which will ultimately make you and her unhappy.

Giving a woman total freedom is the act of a truly secure, confident strong man.

Then if she chooses to be with you and no one else you will have a strong bond. The world has too many weak, possessive men trying to control women…..Don’t be one of them!

HONESTLY, RESPECT & TRUST…… as well as amazing orgasms ;-)

I hope this helps guys. I have not posted in a while so thought I’d make it a big un’.

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  3. exactly what i was looking for. keep it up :)

  4. I really appreciated this article from you.

    Relationships is a different world from PUA. It takes a whole lot of different sets of traits.

    Most of the time we would be so stuck in our world of trying to POSSES the woman, in the end, the tighter we grip, the more the woman wants to struggle out from our clutches.

    Only by giving them the space to choose, both parties will be happy. It takes courage to let go as our attachments are strong. But sometimes, we need to let go to be happy and knowing that there is more opportunities in the future to have a nicer relationship.

  5. Sweeney says:

    Hey Sexyboy and co.

    Okay I have answered all your concerns in my recent post so check it out and hope it helps……


  6. sexyboy says:

    its probably just worrying projections but i do feel kinda threaten by guys who present themselves as sex gods who can ravage any woman.

    but i swear even the most overhyped pua doesnt seem THAT special or amazing. just confident with women but i find it hard to believe they could get any woman. just like alot of women wouldnt sleep with russell brand or w/e i would imagine. maybe in fantasy but reality must be different.

  7. sexyboy says:

    i know its a bit silly worrying. but its easy to fall for the hype people present for themselves!

  8. sexyboy says:

    Dear Sweeney,

    I have a question. Becomes you know how guys tend to present their sex lives like they sweep women with some magic spell and fuck them silly then toss them to the curb like they were some 20p toy.

    sometimes i think shit. what if this girl im dating like got fucked on a one night stand or got spitroasted by some hot PUA guys like you read it in the field reports. its like gahhh. yes its great for them but i wouldnt want their left overs and sometimes i worry like could ALL women fall for that spell? because pua guys make it seem like they could casually fuck any woman and toss her out.

    im more of a relationship type guy and if a girl had sex in a relationship its not big deal. but if it was casually one night stand its a bit mmmmmmmmm………..

    but it must ultimately be her choice if she does want to have one night stands no? because guys act like girls didnt have a say when the guy fucked them when it was probably their choice aswell as the guys mutually and there must have been something there for it to happen.

  9. YES BUT... says:

    i used to worry about letting women have freedom

    but then i realised that women generally dont give up that good pussy for little reason. since they have alot to lose from making wrong choices. i would think that a woman would cheat if im not right for her and shes not right for me in the first place…. maybe

    since during sexual copulation women tend to be in a vulnerable position. and to be penetrated is quite a vulnerable sacrifice. possibly…

    and plus id probably be able to notice if a woman was cheating on me anyway. maybe.

  10. Green Knight says:

    Excellent stuff. Not only you, but this whole site is giving out very interesting and useful teachings.

  11. Joe In Bama says:

    Very true! Thank you for posting. This month I went through a breakup with a girl whom I thought was “The One.” She went cold overnight and I just panicked, so I expressed feelings of love and respect. That, as you know, didn’t work. But my response to her withdrawal was to simply let her go. I texted her only once, and then I went completely silent. I did not call, or email, or text her again. Nada. Through previous girlfriend experiences I had learned that nothing I did or say to get her back would work, and I was able to let go. If she wants me she’ll call or stop by. But it will be her choice.
    It was extremely painful to let go. It hurt deeply and for a few days I was numb. But I think that the most respectful and loving thing to do was so communicate by silence, as if saying “I respect your feelings; I respect your desire to be alone. I let you go so you can find your happiness.”
    Once I started to feel less pain, I realized that I don’t need her anyway. She has issues and lots of baggage; she is broken, as you mention in your post. So the best course of action was to let her heal on her own.
    One more thing: I now realize that letting go is having solid internal game too!

  12. Sweeney says:

    Hey Guys –

    I don't normally comment on my own posts however I am so glad people are getting the message. Just so you know I had several girls I know (and a few I didn't) contact me with massive support for this post. Maybe I should forward the link to every girl I meet. Lol. I'm joking, however I didn't know so many women read this forum. Infact the stories I have been hearing regarding these issues reinforce my thoughts evn more.

    The girls are liking it so you guys just apply it and I am sure you will all attract a real high quality of woman.

  13. I totally agree with Jenny… The minute you use something outside of ourselves, whilst it is effective. Your true self will shine through… The best things a man can do is to strengthen his core from the inside out. The the only way to be a full and congruent man…

    It is OK to be a dominant and decisive man…

  14. I am studying relationships for a BBC Doc – This is exactly what every women is looking for boys. From a female POV shows true strength and a man of the world

  15. duaslun says:

    Thanks for making it a tangible thing for me now. I do this, and now I know why it's the right thing to do.




  17. This is a good post, however i also think this mindset holds true when getting the girl as well. When you're able to show interest but still willing and remain unaffected by it. Not only will it show high value behaviour, but it will make the girls know that she missed out on something very important and will seek you out…

    I had this experience last night when a girl i almost closed walks off with her friends to the toilets and i remain fun, energetic and in the moment. Throughout the entire night, i notice her watching me in the other end of the club in the corner of my eye. Upon leaving, i approach her and her friends. Tell them all it was nice meeting them and leave. A few minutes later, i see these same girls leaving the club soon after, realising that they were after my attention…

    The fact is guys, if you remain unaffected yet respectful regardless of the situation, it will not only put you in a positive light but will make them feel stupid and lower value then you… All of this comes from honesty, trust and respect… No games involved…

  18. Hey Dude

    GREAT POST!!!!! I liked your past posts too but were you not called Pete??? Well whatever! I'd never thought in these terms fully before but dude this hit a note. I use to let the women go in hope she'd come running back however now I see the difference between, as you put it, truthfully letting go! I guessing that then you can find someone new and better and be free!

    She gotta realise that if she wants 2b free then same applies to us baby, and we might find a thinner, sexier model with better boobs! Lol

    Rock On!

  19. yes but says:

    yes you say that letting go and such is a sign of a strong secure confident man.

    but im none of those things anyway and i cant get into relationships anyway. i would be 2nd best choice because of these qualities (unless the woman is desperate)

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