Why Do Women Test Men?

We've all been there. Out on a date, when you start feeling like, "Whoa, is she testing me?"
Ever wonder what you're supposed to do when that happens? I did. So, I spent some time digging around to find out why women test us like that.


And I found some interesting answers. Answers that probably aren't as trivial as you think. They actually have some good reasons. Reasons we can use to our advantage.

So, Why Do Women Test Men?

It's simple. Women test men to gather information. They test us to get further below the surface. She wants to get through all the small talk and pleasantries to find out if you are worth her time.

I know how that sounds. It's not as bad as you think. Most women aren't testing you to be annoying or find out if they're better than you. They just really want to know if you've got what they're looking for before getting too invested.

It might seem daunting. We'll give you that. But that's what we're here for. Keep reading to find out more about why women test men and how you can pass those tests with flying colors.

1. She Wants to Know You Feel Confident and Secure On Your Own

Many women try to test for confidence and security. Confidence isn't the same as arrogance. That's a common mistake amongst men. We confuse arrogance with confidence. Then, we end up alone at the end of the night.

A woman wants to know she won't have to stroke a man's ego. She doesn't want to be responsible for making you feel good about yourself all the time. It's attractive to her when a man feels secure about himself, regardless of what she says.

For Example

On a date that's going well, she sees a guy walk by and says she thinks you'd look good with that haircut. She's not trying to make you jealous, though she may be looking for you to be. Her intentions aren't to make you jealous, they're to find out if you are insecure.

The best reaction here is to entertain the idea of it with a smile and graciousness. That's what she wants to see.

2. She Wants to Know You're Interested in Her

The first test was about how secure and confident you are. This next one is about her own security and confidence level. She wants to know if you're interested in her, and if so, how much?

Sometimes, she will back off. She may even seem cold or like she doesn't like you. It could be that she really doesn't. But if the shift comes after a good date, she may be testing you to see how you react.

She's looking for validation of your interest. She wants to know you like her enough to chase her a little, even if she's not chasing you.

Don't be afraid to put some effort into a woman you really like. Her test is an effort itself. Return the effort by giving her what she's looking for.

3. She Wants to Know How Emotionally Intelligent You Are

Emotional intelligence is important to women. It's a relatively new term for me, though. When I read about emotional intelligence, it made a lot of sense to me.

Her concern over emotional intelligence is to find out if you are strong enough to handle her emotions, talk about yours, and support her through all the struggles life throws at us. Basically, can you take care of yourself, or is she going to have to take care of you when you're falling apart? Can you be her rock?

For instance, if she takes you to a party where you don't know anyone, will she have to hold your hand the entire time, or can you handle your own and mingle? Are you an anxious mess, or can you step up to the plate?

4. She Wants to Know How You Face Challenges

Let me tell you a story from my dating history. I was on a third date with a girl I was feeling good about. We were sitting at a high-top table in a trendy local hangout having drinks. I excused myself to go to the restroom.

When I came back, my date was sitting at our table with another man. She didn't act weird or as if she'd been caught doing something wrong. In fact, she appeared to be quite comfortable with this guy.

She introduces me by my name and says this is (we'll call him Guy X for anonymity's sake), he's my ex from college. Then she smiled and gazed at me like she was pausing for effect.

I'll be honest. For a second, I thought, what is going on here, why is she so happy to see him and announce that he's her ex right in front of me. So, I freaked out, right? 

Wrong. When I looked into her eyes, I saw a hopefulness behind a questioning look. I saw the test. I extended my hand with a smile to Guy X and firmly shook his hand. Then, I watched the hopefulness transform into a large confident smile. I had passed the test.

5. She Wants to Know You Won't Depend On Her for Everything

This sounds like she doesn't want to be there for you. That's not what it means. Women like to be there for us. They like to feel needed and wanted.

A confident woman that knows who she is wants time for herself and her friends, though. This test is about finding out if you have your own friends and hobbies. She's trying to see if you're clingy and needy. These are highly unattractive traits to women.

Here's an example. You have a date set for Friday night with a girl you've seen a few times already. She calls to tell you her best friend just got engaged, and the girls want to take her out Friday night to celebrate. Essentially, she's ditching you for the night.

Do you:

  • A. Call her something nasty and say "I didn't want to go out with you anyway!"
  • B. Tell her "That sounds like fun. I'll go watch the game with Joe. You have a great time!"
  • C. Sigh and swallow slowly while you tell her how much you'll be missing her during your lonely binge-watching session.

Getting angry or sappy signals insecurity. That turns most women off faster than anything else. Show her you support her and her friend. Then she'll likely spend a lot of the night bragging about you to her girlfriends.

How Do You Pass Her Tests?

Be secure and show her your confidence without being arrogant. She's not looking for you to be boisterous and unfeeling. She's looking for traits like:

  • Security
  • Self-confidence
  • Self-awareness
  • Supportiveness
  • Compassion
  • Humor
  • Emotional strength
  • Self-worth

The Bottom Line

Be yourself but be aware. You don't have to change who you are to pass her tests. I used to think women were just coy and liked to play games. It's not about that. Don't fight against the tests women throw at you. Look for the signs we went over here and make their tests work for you, not against you. 

You Might Also Like


You Might Also Like

Speak Your Mind