What To Do When A Girl Dumps You? (EXPERT Advice!)

For most people, you will experience the end of at least one romantic relationship in your lifetime. But the facts alone don't make breakups hurt any less.

Being dumped can be devastating, regardless of your age or the length of the relationship. But after a breakup, it's important to take care of yourself.


Even the best of relationships require a lot of work to maintain, and sometimes two people differ too much in core values and personalities that a relationship is just not viable. The rest of this article will tell you all you need to know about what to do when a girl dumps you. 

Step One: Accept It

Break-ups hurt. You can experience a wide range of emotions, including:

  • Grief
  • Relief
  • Shock 
  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Pain
  • Humiliation
  • Rejection
  • Betrayal
  • Sadness
  • Fear

These emotions can fluctuate. You might feel angry one moment and frightened the next, followed by a wave of sadness that you aren't able to shake. You might fall asleep well enough one night only to spend the next sobbing on the bathroom floor.

Give yourself time to acknowledge what you are feeling and take it easy on yourself. As hard as it is to understand right now, this will end. 

Step Two: Don't Blame Yourself

It's tempting to lose yourself in the never-ending rabbit hole of "what if." But the past is the past, and there's nothing we can do to change it. All we can do is move forward and learn from our mistakes.

Guilt over the past and worry about the future are useless emotions that inhibit us from moving forward and regaining our confidence. Don't entertain any thoughts of self-pity - brush yourself off and understand that this too shall pass. 

Step Three: Act Attractive

Your ex might still want to be friends, or text or call you, or she may pretend you don't exist. Regardless of how she acts after breaking up with you, your priority is to move on. Don't stalk her on social media. Don't pine for her. Don't call or text her. Just let it lie and move on with your life.

If she insists on calling you and she isn't getting the message that you just want to sever ties, calmly tell her, "Hey, I appreciate it, but I don’t see the point in us talking anymore. I don’t see you as only a friend, so please respect that."

Don't overreact when dealing with her. Act calm and rational, even if your emotional state couldn't be further from it. 

Step Four: Don't Chase

Chasing her reveals neediness and desperation that will drive her - and other women, for that matter - further away. She dumped you for a reason. Understand that she is who she is, and that the only person you can change is yourself.

Psychologist Wayne Dyer, author of Your Erroneous Zones, sums it up perfectly:

"A relationship based on love… is one in which each partner allows the other to be what he or she chooses, with no expectations and no demands. It is a simple association of two people who love each other so much that each would never expect the other to be something that he or she wouldn’t choose for himself. It is a union of independence, rather than dependence."

Don't delude yourself into thinking she's the only girl for you. There are more like her, even better than her, that you will find happiness with. As hard as it is to believe right now, you don't need her, even though you may feel like she's air and you are suffocating without her. 

Step Five: Build your Support Network

When dealing with something as painful as a breakup, it can be natural to want to withdraw. After all, it can be hard to allow others to see you in such a vulnerable state. However, it's important to reach out to those who love and support you, like friends and family members.

Even if you aren't comfortable telling everyone about the break-up, just being in the presence of those who value you can lift your spirits and counteract the negative feelings you may have about yourself following the break-up.

It's important to talk to someone you can trust about the break-up. This can be a friend, a family member, or an ecclesiastical leader.

Coping Mechanisms: Healthy vs. Unhealthy

When dealing with the painful emotions associated with being dumped, you understandably want some way to ease the pain and make you feel better. However, while some coping mechanisms are healthy, others can create even more problems down the road. 

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

  • Drugs
  • Alcohol
  • Other addictive vices (excessive pornography use, overspending, overeating, etc.)

Using drugs, alcohol, or other addictive vices to mask the pain creates an unhealthy cycle that can lead to addiction. If you avoid facing and processing your emotions over a breakup, what's to stop you from avoiding similar feelings in the future?

Suppressing your feelings only makes them more difficult to work through, and unresolved issues can doom future relationships and negatively impact your physical and mental health. 

Focus on the Positives

Sometimes a breakup can give you the ability to view your relationship through fresh eyes. Perhaps there were some differences that would've eventually made your relationship even more difficult down the road, or some red flags that you hadn't really acknowledged before.

Remember: it's better to be single than in an unhealthy relationship.

Avoid the Rebound

Sometimes after a breakup, you may feel the urge to prove to yourself and others that you've still got it. Maybe your high school crush has just moved back to town and you're feeling bold enough to finally ask her out.

As much as this can sound like a quick remedy to vanquish the pain of your recent breakup, it isn't wise to jump into a relationship before you've fully recovered from the previous one.

When you fail to process the painful emotions caused by a breakup, the new relationship begins on unstable ground. After all, relationships are only as healthy as the two people who are in it.

Some experts even go so far as to say that failure to heal from one breakup can affect how we choose our rebound partners, and that many subconsciously choose partners who look, act, or have similar lines of work as their exes.

Here's what experts are saying about the rebound relationship.

Focus on Yourself

Getting over a break-up takes time. It's tempting to compare yourself to others, especially if your friends and family are in happy, healthy relationships. You may worry about what they might think.

Don't worry about what others think. Your life is yours to live - not anyone else's. And you deserve to be happy.

You'll get through this.

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