“First you do the thing you’re scared of… then you get the courage.”
When I hear people say that they wish they had more confidence, it genuinely makes me angry.
Why? Because it’s not something that just falls out of the sky or you stumble across one day, so saying that you wish you had more confidence is a dumb thing to say.
But here’s the thing… if you actually work on building your confidence (using proven techniques) and do things that naturally have a positive effect on your self-esteem, you have something that most don’t, which gives you an advantage in life.
This means, that you’ll be able to be the guy that women want, the guy that guys want to be and the guy that people turn to when they want advice, help or guidance.
You’ll be living life more fearlessly, trying new experiences, meeting new people and achieving things you never thought you could achieve. Sounds slightly cheesy, but it’s true.
If you think confidence can be picked up in a couple of minutes or hours, then you’re dead wrong and you should probably stop reading now… go back to your normal mundane life and forget about anything to do with confidence, because you’re just wasting your time.
However, If you’re ready to stop feeling like a bitch and finally get the balls with women that you’ve always wanted, then read every word on this page because it CAN be life changing.
The fundamentals of confidence
Before you can even think about building confidence and busting out some sick inner game, you have to understand the core fundamentals of what self esteem is and how it works.
Confidence is earned… not given
Your inner confidence is earned, every minute of every day you are doing something that is either building your confidence or destroying it… make sure you’re doing things to improve it.
- No such thing as a confidence gene - Some people for some reason believe that you are either born with confidence or you aren’t. This is just not true, it’s a learned skill and is honed over many years.
- Never fake it - You may have heard the saying “Fake it until you make it”. By faking confidence, you’re simply covering up insecurities and fears, which will be uncovered the moment someone says something you don’t like. So never fake it.
We judge our problems based on other people’s reactions
If you are unconfident about something, it’s because you have reinforced that belief over time based on other people’s reactions. For example, if you are fairly short as a man and feel very insecure about your height, it’s because people have brought this up over time and it’s been embedded in your thoughts, feelings and actions.
- They don’t care about you, they care about themselves - People only care about themselves. When they say they care about others, it’s in fact a lie. As humans we are by nature designed to be concerned with our own safety and well being. So when someone takes a dig at you, it’s just them reflecting their own insecurities onto someone else… in other words, never take it personally.
Being scared and fearful is natural
Everyone is born with an inbuilt ability to feel fear. But fear is often misinterpreted as a bad thing, when in fact it’s very good. When you’re scared and fearful, it simply means your brain is telling you that you’re about to do something which you haven’t done before, so you don’t know what will happen. In essence it’s protecting you.
- Pushing past your fears improves confidence - When you push through your fears, your confidence will begin to grow naturally and fears will begin to diminish. It’s important, that you keep pushing past your fears in order to keep growing and feeding your self esteem.
- Build upon momentum and create new beliefs - As you push through your fears, you’ll notice a rush of adrenaline infuse your entire body. This adrenaline, will fuel your confidence, so you must use that moment to your advantage.In other words, if you talk to a woman who’s “out of your league” and she reacts positively, you’re going to feel that rush. Once you feel that rush, do something else that you would normally be fearful of, this is confidence momentum building and is the fastest way to build confidence.
- Break your psychological patterns - Ok, so let’s say you’re building on the momentum and improving your confidence daily. But for whatever reason get caught up in “life” and go back to your old ways.You HAVE to break out of those lame psychological patterns, by feeling fearful again otherwise your confidence will hit rock bottom and you’ll be back to where you started.
How to boost your confidence crazy fast
Right then, now you understand what confidence is, you can now start working on building it up naturally. Here’s how:
Breakthrough your comfort zone
Your “comfort” zone will hold your confidence down and beat it into submission until you become a quivering wreck. Your self esteem will become trapped and you’ll never be able to get good with women, so always remember to break through your comfort zone no matter what.
- Attend an improv class - Improvisation is not only great for game and talking to women, it’s excellent for your confidence as you are put on the spot with a room full of strangers. This forces you to get some balls.
- Approach 1 new girl a day for 30 days - The main reason you want more confidence is so you can talk to women right? Well, make that a goal then and use the momentum building rule from above. Make it a plan to start approaching 1 new girl in the street every single day for 1 month. I guarantee you, this will boost your self-esteem. You don’t have to chat them up, just compliment them, the goal here to get over the fear.
- Do more of what you hate, go balls out - A good rule of thumb to live by is do more of what you hate, now that doesn’t mean work in a dead end job and live life in misery. It means approach a set of women on a night out, because it’s something you would hate to do due to the rejection or embarrassment if it went badly.
If you make an excuse as to why you don’t want to do something, flip that around and just do it!
Change your physical appearance
By changing the way you look a little, you’ll instantly get a confidence boost.
- Hire a stylist and get some new threads - A stylist will be able to hunt for bargains, pick out the best clothes and teach you how to dress in a way that compliments your body shape. Women love a man who can dress, so this is a must.
- Focus on grooming - Grooming is essential for men these days, so make sure you cover the basics. Get a new haircut, whiten your teeth, get a tan, trim your beard and body hair… etc.
- Exercise regularly and release tension - Working out can help to release tension and calm you down. Knowing that you have a great body, will also naturally give you an air of self assurance too.
Engineer your social circle
Your social circle can help you grow as a person, by having multiple social circles you can diversify in life and move forward quicker than most.
- Hang around folks that do what you want - The best people to hang around are those that have the confidence you would like. Invite them out to dinner, befriend them and hang around them as much as possible.
- Drop friends that drag you back - If you have any friends that are miserable and drag you back in life, drop them like a damn hot potato. They are simply no good for you.
Take control of your inner beliefs
By far the most crucial element of confidence is getting rid of old beliefs and swapping them with new positive ones.
- Kill those nasty negative thoughts - Here’s a great little confidence trick for getting rid of negative thoughts. The next time you think of something negative, imagine that the thought is a little horrible bug, take that bug… throw it on the floor and stamp on it, killing it instantly. Every time you have a negative thought, do the same thing again and again, until you think negatively a lot less.
- Imagine the confident guy you want to be - Take a few moment each day to imagine yourself as the confident man you want to be. Imagine you walking up to women and being “the man” in every situation. This will help you to visualise your goal and make you feel a whole lot better about yourself.
So there you have it! That’s how to boost your confidence and develop rock solid, bullet proof inner game.
Still want more? Take a look at some of these advanced techniques for boosting your confidence to ridiculous levels!
Which tip have you tried in the past that has helped you become more confident?